22

“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I'm still trying to figure out how could that be.”

The quote is from the movie The Perks of being a Wallflower, and I can relate to it so well right now. I LOVED the movie. Before I watched it, it seemed to be like a regular high school movie, except that it wasn’t. And it has a beautiful soundtrack. I’ve been listening to Heroes by David Bowie since I saw it (‘The Tunnel song’) and my head is swimming with so many thoughts.

I am 22. I’ve always wanted to be 22 since I was a kid. 22 always felt like the most fun age. The ideal age. Not only is 22 my second favourite number, but this is where I always wanted to be! This. Right here. It is like a big cross I had made on the map of my life and I am standing right on top of it. But I realized I had forgotten all about it. I find myself so busy lamenting over my past or worrying about my future that I end up feeling really morbid all the time. I am 22 and I feel like sleeping for a thousand years. I feel like not being aware of the fact that I exist for a while. Till it all gets better. How did it all become so haywire? What happened to my ‘living in the moment’ plan? What happened to all my plans in fact? Wait, did I even have any plans?

Recently one of my most admired teachers randomly walked up to me and said “You’re not alright in life, are you? You’ve lost the twinkle in your eyes. I know something is wrong.” And I was speechless. She had noticed? Is it that apparent? And since then I have been questioning myself. Why? How? I am only 22! I’m still in the phase of my life where I can fix things for myself. I should be able to get over stuff. I need to admit it that I am human, and I am stupid and that I hurt people. And I need to learn from that. I need to grow. I need to accept the fact that I will not get over some people I have lost, and just live with it.

There is a dialogue in the movie “I know we'll all become somebody, we'll all become old photographs and we'll all become somebody's mom and dad. Right now these moments are not stories, this is happening. I'm here.”

It just made me think. It’s okay that some plans didn’t work out. It’s okay that life took a completely unexpected turn. Things happen for a reason. And in the end everything somehow turns okay. Even if right now it feels like life will never ever get any better, come on, it has to. Life still is beautiful, with endless possibilities spread out before you. It is exciting. You don’t know what is going to happen. You don’t know who or where you are going to be. This is really the time to make it all happen. We cannot choose where we came from, but we can choose where we go from here, right?

It’s not too late for anything. I need to find my way. I need to step up to things. Accept my mistakes. Move past them. Maybe life has a different plan. There is another world. A better world, waiting for me. There has to be. And what will I do? I will keep all the memories deep inside me, close to me. I will just embrace life, and walk towards it. That’s my plan, for now.

“The scent of a flower,

The colours of the morning,

Friends to believe in,

Tears soon forgotten,

See how the rain drives away, another day.”

                                                                            --Dusk, by the Genesis

Chameli? Chikni? Seriously? :|

(SO classy. No?)

Oh.my.GOD.

Did you SEE the song ‘Chikni Chameli’ from Agneepath? :O

And sheesh! Can you believe the title? Chameli. Right. Very original. 

If you’re a boy, and if you’re a Bollywood-item-numbers-liking, shameless type of guy who looks a girl top to bottom, then scram! (Wait a minute, what are you even doing on my blog?)

I randomly saw the entire song today on TV. And man! Wh.. How.. Wh.. HOW is she DOING that man?!

Her body movements seem impossible! It’s like she’s made of rubber and has no bones at all! It’s beyond human comprehension how she is jiggling and jumping and flouncing about like that. It is bizarre. It seems like we’re having a battle of item songs for attracting people to the theatres. And boy, do they all flock over there or what! They’re like a herd of sheep, going wherever the grass seems juicier. And the grass on Agneepath’s pasture is juicy as hell.

I hate the entire concept of an item song. The sole purpose of having them is to make girls diet and exercise themselves to death to get that perfect, not-an-extra-ounce-of-flesh on them type of body and then expose and flaunt it unthinkably. And then they’re made to wiggle and shake like a jelly (and they’re paid heaps of moolah for doing so) which in turn gives all the pervs in our country an open excuse to get all the skin show and eye candy that they only fantasize about. My fate also made me watch another Veena Malick number, in front of which Chikni Chameli looks harmlessly laughable. (She’s wearing a blouse which has two luminous circles on it. Get the picture?)

The reason why people go to watch a movie should not be some sleazy boisterous dance song, but the storyline, or the acting or the direction or even the music. But the entire idea of inserting these vulgar songs smack in the middle of a story is so screwed up. I don’t even feel like watching music channels anymore. And on top of that, they make these songs so catchy! It is so infuriating! And WHY, may I ask, are the moves getting more and more embarrassing? How is she thrusting her entire body in all four directions all at once and then making those wicked expressions?  *cringe*

Yeah, I get it, you’re tall and perfect and beautiful, (and you make me feel pathetic about life) but need you shove your, ahem, bosom repeatedly into the camera to prove you’re sexy? I mean what were you thinking?! (Or maybe you weren’t, seeing as you were “pauuwa chadha ke aayi”) Go take some acting lessons, learn a bit of Hindi and do some good movies, no? Put that awesome face to some good use. You’d all do us a huge favour :)

Well anyway, the fact is that you cannot really ignore them. They are played on TV in shops and cafés, blared on speakers in the markets and radios, sung at inhuman volumes into the wee hours of the night in wedding baaraats, viewed endlessly on youtube and shared religiously on Facebook. Sigh, and now even my 16 month old niece lights up at the sound and sight of this song. It’s her new favourite and all you have to do to make her stop crying is play the song. And then see her hopping and giggling about. Chikni Chameli is the new Powerpuff Girl? :\

Oh well, at least the song is of some use.