In the city of dreams. And some nightmares.

Today I knew I just had to gather everything inside me and just write.I  turned twenty three on November 9. Almost a woman now(?) Had a nice dinner with friends. I don't really get excited about my birthday anymore. I feel nothing really. A tinge of shock and disappointment, at how I can't help getting older.

I've been listening to ‘Death is the road to awe’, the OST of The Fountain. It transports me into another realm of the universe. I just finished reading The Lowland, the latest book by Jhumpa Lahiri. What a beauty. The ending killed me. Reading Kafka on the Shore by Haruki Murakami now. Enjoying it immensely.  

In other news, I’ve managed to cross off one of the things on my wish list. We all went to Goa after the exams! It was exactly what I needed. We loitered around the beaches, played with the sea waves, zipped zapped zoomed all over Goa on our hired scooters and drank and ate and danced and did everything possible in three days. What a holiday! We used to come back at 4 or 5 in the morning, crash on the beds like there’s no tomorrow, get up late, have a lazy, delicious breakfast and then just rush to the beaches. I love the sound of the beach. It’s one of the most joyful sounds in the world.

It has been two weeks since I came to Bombay and started my internship at The Indian Express. Honestly, I don’t even know how to describe the entire experience. I live in a 3BHK with 3 of my other friends and a couple of strangers (who are now kind of friends as well). I travel by the local trains every day, Andheri to Churchgate, which were so alien to me fifteen days back. Now I don’t even have to bat an eyelid before hopping on a train. I see the red stripes and the ‘ladies’ symbol and BAM! I’m on it in no time. It has become so routine, so normal, so …necessary. I sit at the window seat, plug in my earphones and tune myself out till I reach my destination. The office was overwhelming the first day. It is located at Nariman point, one of the most commercial and developed places in Bombay. The building overlooks the sea, and Marine drive is right outside. That place excites me, thrills me. Every time I have to go to CST or cross those iconic landmarks or look at the skyline, I can’t help smiling. This is one of the best cities in the country! I am in Bombay! I’m working here! I’m living here! It is really happening!

Talking about work. So they have put me in the Crime beat as of now. When I was told that, my mind went like, “Oh my god, I’m done for. How will I ever do this?” But my superiors/mentors/colleagues are so helpful and encouraging. I feel like laughing when I compare them to my previous internship superiors. They are patient with me, they tell me where to go and how to go and what to do. I call them for the silliest reasons and they guide me through it. In the past two weeks I’ve done 2 suicide stories, 2 accident stories, a murder story, a couple of press conferences, and several small 100-word reports. And it has been a ride. To think that I had never gone inside a police station before in my life, and now I visit senior inspectors and police officers almost every second day. I was petrified at first. Lost. Blank. Ignorant. But slowly, I started getting the hang of it. I would give myself a pep talk. “I’m a journalist! It is my right to ask for information, and they owe it to me. These are public records and they are bound to tell me what people need to know. Just go and talk to them. They can’t throw you out.”

Some days, however, they almost do throw you out. Not literally, but they may snap at you, ignore you or pretend they are not who you think they are. They have more important things to do, cases to solve instead of talking to some newbie reporter. And I understand that, which is exactly what makes this job so challenging. I have had police officers who have made me wait for hours only to tell me they have to go somewhere urgently. It is mind numbingly demotivating. But you've got to get your story, by hook or by crook. It makes me question my own capabilities. Am I good enough for this? 

I admire the energy of this place. Not only my office, but the entire city. Everyone is busy, and everyone walks with a purpose. No one stares at you, no one tires to touch you. No one even has the time to look at you. Which is why it is liberating to work here. It is not odd to come home at 12 in the night. I know girls who come later than that. This place is for people who are really just trying to work and make a living.

The stories done by the other people in my office are sometimes so good I wonder how I will ever be able to reach that level, but I know I can if I push myself hard enough. I’ve seen good days, and bad ones. Some days were so frustrating I almost cried in the toilet. It is physically painful when you travel and walk in the heat for hours and you don’t get any information for your story. I have often wondered what I’m doing. If I want to do this. If I’m meant to do this. But I can figure that out for myself later. Right now I’m just glad at how much I’m getting to learn every single day. I’ve travelled in buses where there has been no place to move and where passengers are somehow dangling at the door, their entire body hanging outside precariously. I’ve travelled in loud, noisy, hot, crowded trains where I have stood for so long my legs have lost all feeling. I’ve gone from one place to another looking for the scene of crime, only to be met with ignorant faces and disappointment. I've eaten at small roadside shops alone. I’ve gone hungry. I come home by 10:30 at night. I change, have my dinner, read a few pages of my book and I’m out in minutes. But I know that at the end of my internship, even if I don’t report groundbreaking stories, this will all be worth it because it would make me tougher. Stronger. Build my character. Every time my report gets edited, I get better at writing it. I learn every day. Maybe this is all to compensate for all those jobless, useless, idle days I have spent sleeping and watching reruns.

I’m out in the industry. Even if temporarily. I need to learn how to swim against the current, lest it takes me away with it. I’m aware of my own inadequacies, and I have to work against them. Against my own fears and shortcomings. This is really the time to figure myself out. To make something happen. To do something that matters. This is my time.

Spreadin' the lourve

Happy Huggsy Wuggsy day! 

It’s Valentine’s day tomorrow and lou is definitely in the air. I got my share too, in the form of two blog awards :D

That makes three of them now. And that’s awesome. So, I have double the work to do, and I’ll get to it. Chop chop!

To begin with thank you Aqsa and Songbird for giving the awards to me. I’m highly honoured!

According to the rules, I’m supposed to mention ten random facts about me, and then answer the questions they had asked. So here are the random facts:

1. I love crushing the big, crunchy brown leaves that are strewn on the ground when I’m walking to and fro from our classes to our hostel. They give me a weird sense of satisfaction.

2. Sometimes a vague tune from a vague song gets stuck in my head and it drives me mad because I can’t stop singing it and I can’t recall which song it is from.

3. Sometimes I find things funny which actually aren’t, and then I go on these irreversible laughing sprees, and my stomach starts hurting and my eyes water and basically I look like a stork high on crack.

4. When I get cranky, I shout at people for no reason, (or cry at some silly childhood memory) and then start laughing instantly because I know I’m being unreasonable.

5. I romanticize everything. I love nature, I love trees, I love mountains, and sunsets, and you get the picture. And I find beauty in sadness, and happiness in solitude, meaning in the rise and fall of waves crashing against the rocks. Yeah, stuff like that.

6. I love being around people, and I love it when big groups of friends laugh together. It’s one of the happiest sounds in the world.

7. I cry, a lot. I cry during movies, I cry reading books, I cry having emotional conversations, I cry listening to music. But most times, they’re happy tears. I’m very weird.

8. I like to get into discussions about religion, faith, the supernatural, the universe, psychology, philosophy, love, and everything that cannot be explained or understood easily.

9. I love tea. I need to have a cuppa tea every evening, with chips. Especially cheese puffs. And sipping tea watching the sun go down has become a habit, and it calms me down.

10. I love wit, and sarcasm, and deep voices. And soap bubbles, and small cafes and bookstores. And purple. And cheese. And Nutella. Boiled peas and mashed potatoes. The sound of mummy’s laughter and the way her eyes become scrunchy when she laughs. A warm hand to hold. Messy hair. Raindrops. The smell of wet mud. Listening to music and looking out the window in a bus/train.

Aqsa's questions:

1. What is the first thing you do when you wake up?

I check my phone to see the time and check for new text messages or mails. I stretch, I groan and make noises, I keep shifting in bed and complain about how painful life is, finally drag myself out of bed and go and sleep in the bathroom.

2. How do you express your anger?

I swear under my breath (a LOT), or I write, or I just talk to a close friend. I tried kicking a tree once. It did not end well.

3. If you had to live on a lonely island and take only one book with you, which one would it be?

Most probably Catcher in the Rye, or The Twins at St. Clare’s.

4. An embarrassing moment/fact about you?

I realized how much I didn’t know and how much I still don’t once I joined this college. And many are facts and issues about my own country.

5. How much do you let your academic success/failure affect your life?

Not much. I just focus on managing a decent score, but if I get bad grades I don’t let it upset me for long. Because I don’t feel marks are a fair assessment of how intelligent or efficient you are.

6. Do you believe in first impressions?

Totally. You tend to notice a person a lot when you meet them for their first time. Their clothes, their walk, their body language. I like smiling, warm, jumpy people :D

7. What period of your life do you think was the best?

My childhood! It was the best ever! It was a time of cardboard carton submarines, Rasna, bicycles, climbing trees, freedom and endless possibilities. Also, May 2010 to May 2012.

8. Do you live in the present more or brood about the past or fantasize about the future more?

I fantasize a hell lot! I do dwell in the past. And sometimes, I live completely in the present. So, I guess a mix of all three.

9. Your favourite cartoon and why?

Dexter’s Laboratory, Dragon Ball Z, Ed Edd ‘n’ Eddy, Powerpuff Girls. Because they were my life when I was a kid.

10. Harry Potter or Twilight?

Harry Potter. ANY day!

Songbird’s questions:

1. What would be your ideal weapon to fight a zombie apocalypse?

One of those massive hammers that I can use to just bash the zombie’s heads into pulp. But they should be really light.

2. Who is your favourite singer/artist/band?

Radiohead, Simon and Garfunkel, Coldplay, Muse, Porcupine Tree, The Fray.

3. What is the ideal vacation spot?

A white sandy beach, lots of clear water, high tides, good food, music, and the company of your closest friends.

4. Do you believe in miracles?

I don’t. But then there are moments, when I kind of do.

5. Why do you have a blog?

It gives me a sense of identity. I feel like I belong somewhere; it gives me an outlet to express my feelings. It just makes me happy I can share my thoughts with people who care enough to read them.

6. If you could choose between your left eye and right eye to see with the rest of your life, which eye would you choose?

Uhm, right eye, because it has lesser power than my left eye :P

7. What is your favourite punctuation mark?

Without a doubt, the exclamation mark!!

8. Do you own a pet?

I did. A Lhasa Apso called Cherry, and a lab called Shirley.

9. What do you think of my blog?

I think it’s innocently beautiful. Reminds me of myself when I was a little younger. Keep writing!

10. You are going to die in 10 minutes. What are you gonna do?

I’ll just sit silently and think over my life (and try to calm myself down and breathe because I'd be freaking out!) Maybe call a couple people and tell them how much I love them.

Now, to choose 10 bloggers to give these awards to:

And here they are:

• Nayan
• Sachin
• Typing to the beat of my heart
• Sugar cube
• Hamsini
• Shilpa
• Rajan
• Sowmya
• The Frozen Flame
• Rushabh

Congrats! :D

 My questions to them:

1. What is your biggest pet peeve?

2. Who was your first crush?

3. What is your favourite childhood memory?

4. What is your favourite dialogue from a movie/book?

5. What is the one crazy thing you want to do before you die?

6. How would you define love?

7. What if your absolute favourite moment?

8. What are you addicted to?

9. What are your biggest fears?

10. If you were to be stuck in a lift with one person, who would it be?

And there, I’m done! Yaaaay! I feel so productive after writing all this nonsense, even though I have a big assignment due tomorrow. So people who have won the award, start typing! :D

And now just for kicks, I'm sharing a picture here. Some bloggy love for all my readers!

(Muaah)

Teehee! So long, bloggy friends, I’ll be back! :)