Great balls of fire!

I attended a rock concert today! Well, um, almost :P Let me say that, will you? It sounds so much cooler that way :D One of my closest friends in college and his band gave a public performance today. This was their first show outside our college and I was so, so proud of them. They mostly sang Rockstar songs and the crowd went crazy cheering and hooting during ‘Naadaan Parindey’. (It is a beautiful song with stunning lyrics and if you tell me you don’t listen to Hindi music because you’re too cool for it, I’ll box your face and smash your nose)

I can imagine how they’d have felt, up there on the stage, performing, witnessing so many people, friends, familiar faces, strangers, clapping and screaming for them. It was an amazing experience. We went in a big group and hollered their names out aloud! Nothing like a group of friends getting together to motivate another set of friends!

Oh, I have finally finished reading Margaret Mitchell's Gone with the Wind! God's nightgown! I now realize why it is a classic and a massive hit. I can’t believe this book was written in the 1930's. It sounds so modern, so young and fresh. Books like these increase your perspective about historical events on a whole new level. I had very little knowledge about the Civil War; but only after reading this did I realize the pain, terror, consternation people had to go through. How African Americans were slaves and were so content with being just that. How people killed and massacred and sacrificed so many lives fighting over something that seems so insignificant once the war is over and the dead bodies are counted.

Although the story wasn’t about the Civil war; it was about the mean-spirited, hypocritical Scarlett O’Hara! Oh, what a lovable little hateful creature! :D Never have I read a book where the protagonist is so terribly flawed and yet she manages to convince the readers that her actions were justified. That she was only human, and that all of us have all these character flaws within us and sometimes we have to be horrid and insensitive just to get by. She was so fussy and immature that she was hilarious at times; with her tantrums and outbursts. Guess what my new favourite expressions are? Without a doubt, “Fiddle dee dee!”, “God’s nightgown!” and “Great balls of fire”. I love them so much, that I have even started using them in my daily conversation! (with people looking at me with amused bewilderment, passing it off as another one of my quirks)

And.. Rhett Butler. Oh, my my my. Rhett Bulter. What an incredible name! *swoon* He is easily the dream man for every woman. He is delightfully sarcastic, evidently masculine, dangerously charming and just the right about of mockful and witty. The sophisticated manner with which he carries himself, the fact that he doesn’t care about what anyone says about him, and the fact that he reads Scarlett like a book.. make him one of the most intriguing characters I’ve ever come across in any work of fiction so far. He comes almost at par with Darcy and Roark. Though, Roark was a little too weird for my taste. It's not just like a regular love story set in disturbing war times. It is highly convoluted, with conflicting, raw human emotions and a lot of twisting complications. It even ends realistically, leaving you with a not-so-happy feeling; and wondering what would happen next.

I saw the movie as well. It is very well made, with Vivien Leigh playing the snooty Scarlett almost perfectly.  I love the way she goes “Oh Rhett, Ohhh Rhett!” :P I’ve been imitating that all day. Damn, I can be so amazing at theatre. I just know it. I feel that Edith Piaf's 'La Vie en Rose' would have gone perfectly for the theme of the movie. But I’m sorry, the book is infinitely better than the movie; even though they tried to include all the details in it. The book is always, always better and if you give me a 100 mark essay to write on why movies are better than the books, I won’t be able to squeeze out a word.

(I think it's a remarkable poster of Scarlet and Rhett amidst the burning city of Atlanta. You? :))

You will scream if I tell you what the time is. Er, at least my mom would. She is going to skin me alive. Oh fiddle dee dee, it’s okay, tomorrow is a holiday! Good times! :)

The Elephant Man

Don't you just hate it when you get a gross pimple on your face? Somewhere prominent, like on your nose or above your lip? Don't you hate the way people react? How ashamed you feel and how many things you try to get rid of it. Now imagine, if your entire body was like one big pimple, only much, much worse and painful. What would it be like, to be an abomination of nature? To be ugly beyond mere ugliness, with no fault of yours?

I happened to see David Lynch’s ‘The Elephant Man’ tonight. What a movie! It’s a true story based on the life of John Merrick, a severely deformed man as a result of his mother getting mauled by an elephant while he was still in the womb.

Doctor Treves, a surgeon at the London Hospital first spots John at a carnival, being exposed and exhibited as a freak by an abusive, cold man. He offers to examine him and brings him to his hospital; at first assuming that he probably is an imbecile, but realizes later what an admirable, intelligent and a sensitive man he really is. Because he is so grotesquely distorted, people run away from him in terror, look at him with disgust and laugh and make fun of him. He always has to wear a hood when out in public. Dr. Treves, played remarkably by Anthony Hopkins, proves to be kind enough to realize the man beneath the hideous skin abnormalities and becomes his friend.  It’s the story of the journey of John Merrick, from the brutal beatings in the rusty dungeons of a carnival, to elite tête-à-têtes with high dignitaries and going to the theatre with the Princess of Wales.

Little things have been paid attention to in the movie, playing with human emotions, and making the audience’s hearts leap out of their chests to hug John Merrick despite his obvious repulsiveness. It makes you wonder what life would be if you had a similar fate. If you were scorned and jeered and spat upon simply because of a physical malfunction which you had no control over. What can mere misfortune do to people. It helps you realize what such people go through and would perhaps change your attitude towards them. If you usually cry in movies, then be prepared with a big box of tissues when you’re watching this one. It’s not for the faint-hearted, like me. Seldom do movies manage to touch me this much, but this one did. One hundred percent and more. It’s truly a masterpiece and I admire the makers of this movie to portray human sentiments and ruthlessness in such a convincing and raw manner.

I respect them for taking care of every miniscule thing and working so very hard to get the make-up and costumes right. The make-up of the Elephant man took SEVEN hours every time it was applied. Can you imagine the amount of patience and hard work?!

Definitely one of my favourite movies so far. If you like true stories, especially the ones that throw light on human psychology, then this movie is for you. 

"'Tis true my form is something odd,
But blaming me is blaming God;
Could I create myself anew
I would not fail in pleasing you.

If I could reach from pole to pole
Or grasp the ocean with a span,
I would be measured by the soul;
The mind's the standard of the man."

 —poem used by Joseph Merrick to end his letters.

How is your life today?

Beautiful people of the world! :D

Guess what happened today? I received my first ever Blog award! It’s given to me by Jen, a recent follower and a fellow blogger! I’ve read only a few of your posts Jen, but I loved them! :) Thank you! You’re a peach! :D

The timing couldn’t have been better! This is my 100^th post! Weeeeeeeeee! Bloggie hits a century!! I can’t believe it! Have I really written a hundred blog posts? Seems huge! I love blogging so much I’m almost addicted to it now. I’m not complaining! Sniff :’) It’s a big moment for me and my blog. Two great things happened on the same day!

I.. I would like to thank my mom, dad, sister, teachers, friends, fellow bloggers MYSELF! Muhaahahahahaa! 

Anyway, the rules of receiving an award are:

• Link back to the person who gave you the award.       
• Pick 5 people deserving of the award and notify them on their blogs.      
• Post the award on your blog and spread the love.

And the five people I’m going to pick who deserve this award are:

1.      Em and En dying to say (Because she was one of my first few followers and I love and adore her blog with all my heart. Also, because I got to know her and meet her through her blog)

2.       Why is everything four? by Karishma (Because she’s currently my favourite new blogger. She’s a beautiful, beautiful writer and somewhere I feel like she’s the kind of girl I would fall for if she was a guy. Right, enjoy the ego boost! :P)

3.      InsomniaStrikes by PurpleMist (Because I love the colour and because she reminds me of myself in a lot of ways)

4.     Muse-ment  by Tangerine (Because her blog is fun and vibrant and just the right amount of cool)

5.    Living is a one-way street! by Sakshi (Because she’s my sishtooo! And because she writes so well. And because her blog needs to be updated! Please do NOT delete it!)

Phew, there! I feel so good spreading all this lourrve :D

I’ve realized that you constantly have to push yourself to happiness. There is so much to life. You cannot stay unhappy. You can’t.

And when you start going down that way, remember this “If you want to be happy, be." – Leo Tolstoy. Isn’t it amazing? Doesn’t it put a smile to your face instantly? :)

And if even this doesn’t help, go and listen to this! I've been singing it all day (And boy, I sound good :P)

I dare you to be upset after this.

And if you're still upset, go see a shrink wouldja?!

P.S. Thank you again Jen! :D

*I received an awaaaaaaaard*
 *doing the hula* :D

A healthy dose of happiness enclosed within a manila envelope :)

Frankly speaking, I’m not very big on Valentine’s day. I feel that it’s become too.. forceful. I mean, sure, it’s a day to express your “lourve” and all; but why do you need to constrict it to just one day? Why only 14^th of Feb to celebrate love? It has become more of a compulsion than a joy. Couples know that they must give each other red roses, and boxes of chocolates or mushy cards or jewellery to prove that they love each other. I was that girl once :\

But they have commercialized it so much and have overhyped it to the extent that it does not excite me anymore. It’s overrated. So this year, I just thought of it as just another day and did not give it much thought. I should have.

Yesterday I received one of the best surprises I’ve received in a lifetime. I was out when my bro texted me “You have a courier”. The whole time while coming back I was dying with excitement. I’d guessed who it was from. Yep, you guessed it too :) Cheeeeeeeeeee! There I saw it. A faded light blue envelope with my name and address neatly sprawled across it in block letters.

The contents rendered me speechless. One, I was not expecting him to make anything for me. Make as in, get paper, print pictures, cut them, stick them on the paper, and write messages with a blue sketch pen. Two, he made a scrapbook where he pasted a lot of his pictures and put it creatively into a story form and tied it all up with a red ribbon. It was amazing. I don’t remember anyone ever taking so much of trouble to make me anything. It blew my socks off.

Oh!! He also got me Spongebob squarepants erasers! I LOVE Spongebob! And he also wrote a little letter where he mentioned that a 6 year old could have done a better job. Awwww! I’ve been jumping around like a pony on crack all day!

I gave a kickass presentation today, I talked to one of my teachers openly and candidly about something which was eating me for days, and I didn’t even think much about a nightmare that I had last night. I feel awesome. My fingers feel so alive, clickity clacking away on this keyboard. I love the sound that it’s making. I love that I'm on a passionate banana-eating spree and at least assuming that I should have gained a couple of kilos. I love the way I tied my pony today. Hair back with two pins to hold them together. I think I’m looking very cute. And I went into sporadic, uncontainable paroxysms of laughter over a silly thing which now does not sound funny at all. Such are the ramifications of an awesome Valentine’s day unexpected surprise.

I’m so glad I’m a human being and I got to feel this emotion. It’s priceless!

Gotta love Valentine’s day now, eh?

Happy Valentine’s day people! Spread the louuuuuuurrve! :D

Whatever-ness

This post is utterly random and you're free to skip it. 

I’m glum. Glum glum glum glum glum. My V semester results came out today and I’m not happy. I slacked off last semester, when in fact I could have scored much better. What does it even require? A little hard work? A little less sleep? People say that marks don’t really matter later but well they do right now. I’ve always been a slacker. Like, even being here is almost sacrilegious right now. I have assignments, projects, tests and a million things to do. My paper got selected for this conference (I don’t know how) and I have zilch motivation to work for it. Zip. Not even an ounce of enthusiasm. Why? Why am I so…. disinterested and lazy? :\

Even the weather was in sync with my mood. There was absolutely no sunshine the whole day and it got so cloudy and cold we were actually shivering in class. And I was zoning in and out during the lectures. I looked out the window all day, looking at the leaves falling off trees against the red brick wall of the library. It looked pretty. Well, I just came home and let my tear glands do their business. Plop, slosh, sniff, plop. And then I slept after whining and berating myself for well over an hour. It didn’t help. But you know what did help? Calvin and Hobbes! It always comes as a surprise to me how much they crack me up. I read it and I feel like the world is not a scary place, it’s a silly, funny, warm and fuzzy place, you know? Life is so much better when you add a little humour into it. Don't you feel better when somebody makes you burst out laughing when you're crying more than sympathising with you? I want to be the innocent, drawing, painting, voice-recording, random-videos-making, house-playing, Contra-Mario-Toy Story-The Lion King addicted kid again! Waaahaaahaaaa! 

For dinner I made parathas for myself. Yes, you heard me. Believe it baby! And they were eatable. And I used sarson ka tel (mustard oil) to make ‘em. Mustard oil always reminds me of Holi and how mom used to splatter and rub lots of it from our faces and down till our toes so that the colours may come off easily. And the dreadful session when she would use pumice stone and all sorts of things to remove the colour off our multicoloured bodies. And believe me, my mom is not the gentle sorts. (I love mom. I would have paused to go hug her but she is dead asleep) Remind me why I used to play Holi and get myself bullied and targeted and coloured every year? You’d think I’d learn from one year’s experience but I would be as excited to play it every time; all ready and armed with my most advanced pichkaari.

Sigh, those were the days. Okay I sound like an old hag. For the moment, there is one song playing on loop. It goes so well with my mood right now. Evanescence’s 'My Immortal'. It’s beautiful. Sigh.

P.S.

Calvin: It's not fair!

Mom: Life is unfair Calvin.

Calvin: I know but why can't it be unfair in my favour?!

Hehe :)

I need a hug :\

Dear Fifteen-year-old me..

Chee once shared an email with me which talked about a book that was published which contained letters written by celebrities to their sixteen year old selves. They were really funny and gave an insight into how they changed over the years. And now all sixteen year olds are careless and naïve and kind of crazy. Although I’m only(?) 21 right now, I want to write a letter to my fifteen year old self. So, here it goes:

Dear Fifteen-year-old me,

You know what? You’re STUPID. I wish I could go back in time and give you a nice, big whack on your head. Stop caring about how you look and what people think of you. Seriously, no one cares. And it doesn’t matter. Your best friends will hardly care. I know your hormones are surging, and you’re in an all-girls school, but need you behave like that when you see a bunch of cute guys around? Relax, girl. Don’t panic. It’ll pass. It’s temporary.

Please study for your boards. You know you have brains and you just have to apply them. I know that your board exam marks won’t matter in the future and no one is going to be remotely interested in them once you join college, but getting a 90+ will make you feel so much better about yourself. Do not get lost in the world of social networking. It will waste your time and you will read lesser and lesser until you don’t have the patience to finish any book. And that sucks.

Try to judge people better and have the discretion to know who is actually your friend and who only pretends to be. People will use you because you’re so naïve. Do NOT trust people too fast. Do not be lured into a world of ‘going out’ and ‘looking good’ and superficial relationships. Do not try to be cool. It’s overrated. And you’re not very good at it. It's okay to speak your mind and it's good to say no sometimes. Stop taking shit from people. And let go of some people before you realize they weren't worth it.

Know the guy you think you’re in love with? (Of course you do, you’re obsessed with him) Yea well, you don’t. You’re fifteen ! And he doesn’t too. No matter what he says. Realize it sooner or you’re going to cause yourself a lot of mind-numbing, excruciating, soul shattering, heartbreaking pain, remorse, regret and grief. Or you know what, don’t. That relationship is going to make you realize everything you were missing out on and it will make you more careful. It’s going to lead you to find true love when you least expected it.

Read newspapers. Spend more time with your family. Waste less time on the phone. DON’T think about what a certain someone said about you. It’s not true and don’t let it get to you. I know you’re skinny but one day it won’t matter that much. Trust me. I know you fret, worry and cry about little things but you do know how to have a good time. Don’t let that go. Don’t let the innocence fade away. It’s okay to let friendships break. It’s okay to let things go. Good things will come to you. You have an amazing life ahead of you. Make the most of it. And no matter how stupid you are right now, you’re a good girl. I’m going to like you.

Love,

Astha from the future :)

Keep on the sunny side of life :)

"There's a dark and troubled side of life,
There's a bright and a sunny side too.
Though you meet with the darkness and strife,
The sunny side you may also view"
-The Whites

I'm tucked cozily in my bed, listening to O Brother Where Art Thou's soundtrack and feeling really good. It's songs remind me of the Christmas carols we used to sing in school. Sniff :') It's late and it took a lot of restraint on my part to stop reading an extremely intriguing book which I'm going to talk about here once I finish reading it. I got a call from a good college for a course in Mass Communication and I'm extremely jittery but excited about the GD and PI. I feel like this is the first time I'm actually doing something which will facilitate the process of me getting out of this city. Am I, gulp, growing up? :O I should not be complacent about this. I need to prepare well. Fingers, toes and body crossed! Wish me luck!

I love it when I receive a comment or I get a new follower, because it makes me feel that what I write has somehow moved a person at least a teeny tiny bit. And that teeny tiny bit is enough to keep me motivated to write more. And I will. I've grown to love blogging over the years. I started my first blog when I was 14 and there were many spirited discussions and sharing of opinions there. It got deleted somehow (don't even ask how. It was so unbelievably stupid) and the writer in me died a little. But someone revived the zest in me to write again and I've realized how much I love it.
I love having my own little modest corner in this vast virtual Web :)
Thank you readers, I'm feeling an overwhelming sense of love for you all. Please shower me with more love? Smother me with incessant affection! :D

I was thinking, when you have these I'm-so-happy-nothing-can-bring-me-down moments, what exactly is happening in that tricky little brain of yours? Is it because of hormones? A feeling of achievement? (be it because of even small things like making someone feel special or doing an assignment on time) Is it because of music? Good memories? What exactly happifies you so strongly? Is it because of a meaningful, satisfying conversation? Same goes for when you're feeling utterly low and downtrodden and like the entire world is against you and you just want to die? I really don't get it.

Well, whatever the reason may be, I'm feeling blissfully happy to be alive right now. Even though there are a hundred things I want to correct about myself and there is a truckload of pending work, I feel like I'll survive. Something will work out in the end. I guess what you should focus on is holding on to these moments, climb your happy trees, share a laugh or two and spread it even further. Even a simple smile or a warm hug can completely change a person's mood or make someone's day. True story. Tried, tested and experienced. Spread the cheer because you never know who might be having a completely dull day. Sigh, life is funny. But it's worth living :)

P.S. I'd like to share a picture of me my brother clicked on his phone in the train when I was returning from Delhi to Agra on the first day of the year. I love train rides and train ride pictures. They have this whole eager, excited aura about them. It represents a journey, a change, eagerness to meet loved ones, excitement at the prospect of going to a different place. I love looking out the window, contemplating, thinking, listening to music, (reminds me of Porcupine Tree's 'Trains') soaking in the breeze and smells of different places and then slowly drifting off. Now, how many of you are reminded of Stevenson's From a Railway Carriage? :)

Chameli? Chikni? Seriously? :|

(SO classy. No?)

Oh.my.GOD.

Did you SEE the song ‘Chikni Chameli’ from Agneepath? :O

And sheesh! Can you believe the title? Chameli. Right. Very original. 

If you’re a boy, and if you’re a Bollywood-item-numbers-liking, shameless type of guy who looks a girl top to bottom, then scram! (Wait a minute, what are you even doing on my blog?)

I randomly saw the entire song today on TV. And man! Wh.. How.. Wh.. HOW is she DOING that man?!

Her body movements seem impossible! It’s like she’s made of rubber and has no bones at all! It’s beyond human comprehension how she is jiggling and jumping and flouncing about like that. It is bizarre. It seems like we’re having a battle of item songs for attracting people to the theatres. And boy, do they all flock over there or what! They’re like a herd of sheep, going wherever the grass seems juicier. And the grass on Agneepath’s pasture is juicy as hell.

I hate the entire concept of an item song. The sole purpose of having them is to make girls diet and exercise themselves to death to get that perfect, not-an-extra-ounce-of-flesh on them type of body and then expose and flaunt it unthinkably. And then they’re made to wiggle and shake like a jelly (and they’re paid heaps of moolah for doing so) which in turn gives all the pervs in our country an open excuse to get all the skin show and eye candy that they only fantasize about. My fate also made me watch another Veena Malick number, in front of which Chikni Chameli looks harmlessly laughable. (She’s wearing a blouse which has two luminous circles on it. Get the picture?)

The reason why people go to watch a movie should not be some sleazy boisterous dance song, but the storyline, or the acting or the direction or even the music. But the entire idea of inserting these vulgar songs smack in the middle of a story is so screwed up. I don’t even feel like watching music channels anymore. And on top of that, they make these songs so catchy! It is so infuriating! And WHY, may I ask, are the moves getting more and more embarrassing? How is she thrusting her entire body in all four directions all at once and then making those wicked expressions?  *cringe*

Yeah, I get it, you’re tall and perfect and beautiful, (and you make me feel pathetic about life) but need you shove your, ahem, bosom repeatedly into the camera to prove you’re sexy? I mean what were you thinking?! (Or maybe you weren’t, seeing as you were “pauuwa chadha ke aayi”) Go take some acting lessons, learn a bit of Hindi and do some good movies, no? Put that awesome face to some good use. You’d all do us a huge favour :)

Well anyway, the fact is that you cannot really ignore them. They are played on TV in shops and cafés, blared on speakers in the markets and radios, sung at inhuman volumes into the wee hours of the night in wedding baaraats, viewed endlessly on youtube and shared religiously on Facebook. Sigh, and now even my 16 month old niece lights up at the sound and sight of this song. It’s her new favourite and all you have to do to make her stop crying is play the song. And then see her hopping and giggling about. Chikni Chameli is the new Powerpuff Girl? :\

Oh well, at least the song is of some use. 

Incendies

I still haven’t recovered from the shock after watching Incendies. After watching it, I couldn’t sleep or talk. I just wept. We sit here, so comfortable in our daily lives, shrouded by our own trifle issues, that we do not realize our life could have been tremendously worse that what it is.

War, famine, poverty, epidemics, discrimination, abuse, murders, terrorism.. we never envisage these things could even touch us. They only happen to others, they cannot possibly happen to us. And yet, people have gone through things we cannot even imagine.

I wept not only for Nawal Marwan, but for the entire humanity. For the injustice, for the atrocity, for the circumstances that compel humans to become so hard-hearted that they do not even blink before ending somebody else’s life. What must go through them to make them like that? Their conscience has to be dead for them to become so heartless. I wept for the destroyed homes and souls of the people who cannot get the undemanding pleasure of living a simple life. I wept for people who pray, for people who have faith and for people who have none. I wept for the silent, greasy tears that stream down a weary soldier’s cheek and fall onto a land which is divided into fragments for pathetic, greedy reasons. I wept for the blood baths, for the ravaged, raped, abandoned bodies and the withered consciences. I wept for all the pain, for children who lose their mothers, for families that are torn apart, for dreams that are shattered beyond repair, for hearts that are broken into smithereens. I wept for the millions of souls that are burnt and bludgeoned and tortured and killed and scorched in a world where that almighty being in the sky still looks down upon us and for those who believe he loves us all.

Love in the Time of Cholera

I just finished reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and not surprisingly, my head is exploding with questions and thoughts. The story is set in the late 1800s, and yet, the feelings, the emotions, the madness, the confusions and problems that people have to face in their lifetime seem timeless.

It is about a young boy called Florentino who falls in love with a teenager Fermina and how they get to know each other through a passionate and fervent exchange of love letters. As she grows up, she realizes it’s not really love but immature, illusory stupidity and decides to stop being in touch. He cries and burns in anguish and helplessness and continues to write sonnets and poems in her memory.

A young, intelligent and reputed doctor, Dr. Urbino then proposes to Ferima and though she initially dislikes him, agrees to get married to him. They live a long and happy life, have children, and go through the usual downs and highs every married couple goes through. Florentino indulges into countless love affairs with many lonely women, while he still truly loves only Fermina and longs to be with her again.

When he is almost eighty years old and she is in her mid-seventies, with her husband dead and her alone and facing many unresolved issues, they find solace and comfort in each other. They crash into love and finally get the mental peace and stability they looked for all their lives. Fermina realizes that even though she kept feeling that she was happy with her married life, now when she retrospects, it seems so loveless, so complicated, so wrong.

That shook me. This is what we do. When we look back upon something, old incidents or relationships, we don’t really see it the way it was. Over time, every time we look back upon it, it gets changed, according to changes in our lives and in our personalities. At one point of time, when I thought I was so happy and content, now when I think about it, I wasn’t. I don’t even know what or how it actually was. I don’t even know what the reality is. What was it?

We change so much over time, that we lose parts of us somewhere along the years, and acquire so many new personalities. We’re over a million different people in a lifetime. How can we trust anything then? How can we trust anything or anyone to do what we think they would? Are we in a position to judge anybody’s actions? Are we to say anything at all? And can we trust ourselves? How do we define what is right and wrong? Is there any guarantee to anything in life? Is there any guarantee to love? Is there any guarantee to life itself? Is anything ever what it is? Or does it keep getting changed because we want it to? What is real?