Dark Tranquility.

You never think, or you never hope at least, that it would happen to you. Except when it does. Your mind goes into this unfocused, deplorable, demonic state and you achieve an inexplicable pleasure in being miserable. You like it when you’re lonely, you like it when sleep eludes you every night and you’re in this hazy, cloudy stupor; reminiscing and pondering over the absurdity and the tragedy of it all.

It’s a condition when you couldn’t care less about self-hygiene or the fact that your hair literally makes you look ghoulish. It’s a state when every second of every day feels like a hangover after a ghastly bout of a drinking spree. You think, and you rethink, and you reconsider and you wish and you hope and you pray and you long and you want and you plead and you crave to such an extent that it becomes impossible to ignore the voices in your head. It’s a loud cacophony, accompanied by images of the past whizzing round and round and round in your head like a movie; until the fine thread that separates consciousness and unconsciousness slowly dissolves and you feel like you’re drowning. You’re enmeshed into a trap of your own beguiling dreams; with monsters screaming and loathing and cursing and tormenting you.

It leads to a strange asphyxiation; and despite yourself, something inside flails itself all around, trying to break free, to get some air. And yet, even under that claustrophobic pressure, you cannot move a muscle.

You walk around like you’re carrying a huge burden on your chest, only to realize it is something you’d have to carry for a long way to come. You laugh with your friends, your heart flutters for a brief period of time, greedy, lustful, and holding on to every sign of warmth and affection. Realizing soon after, that it has rebounded, with double the amount of force.

People talk, cars whiz by, morning turns to night, the clock ticks away; until it all happens so fast and so at once that everything seems to be a blur.

You want to cry out, you want there to be some way, some solution, some answer. But strangely, you can’t, you’re unable to, because you’re standing in a vacuum. Where there is nobody, no sound, not even air to breathe. It slithers all around you, like a grotesque slimy reptile and chokes you, until you have no other way but to let it all out. Every emotion, every tiny speck of despair, of pain, of sorrow, of anguish comes onto the surface until your tears dry themselves out, your head clears up a little and your mind gives way to exhaustion, and finally, to sleep. The demons are finally quiet.

It’s 3:00 AM. The beginning of another day.

MY BEST FRIEND.. who I loved, and lost.

 THE LAST WORD

I still remember that short, fair, spectacled girl who came to our school in the 11^th grade. She was subdued, shy, and quiet and she would always sit at the exact same spot with the same girl as her partner every single day. Maryam Salman came all the way from Muscat to this little place and clearly had a lot of problems adjusting to her new life. No one in class used to talk to her much because they all thought she was a nerd. For one whole year we were non-existent for each other.

And then, one fine day, in the 12^th standard, on an impulse I sat next to her. And from that day forward, things just.. changed! We began to talk and I realized how wrong people were about her, she was a total non-nerd! We hit it off from the first day and the seat next to her became my permanent and favorite seat till the very last day of school.

I loved how kiddish she was, just like me, and that she was into books and movies and music, just like me, and she was crazy and cute and funny, just like me! In fact, we were so similar that sometimes we would say or do the exact same things in perfect unison! We had even made a list of the ‘Similar things’ we used to do.

She made this little poem for me, which I really used to find hilarious:

“Astha, Astha have some pasta,

Go to hell and forget the raasta!”

Both of us were total Linkin Park fanatics and knew all their songs by heart. We could listen to and sing their songs the entire day without faltering even once (not even at the complex parts). We would drool over our joint-crush, Chester Bennington, the lead singer of Linkin Park and would talk about him and fantasize about him to extremes none could ever imagine! We even wrote a story about Chester, Mike and me during our classes; of which we were totally proud. Sometimes we would go into irrepressible convulsions of laughter whenever we were together; while at other times we would share our darkest and deepest of secrets and fears. A couple of months before our Board exams, our classes were mostly all over and we were free to do whatever we wanted to. We had found this perfect spot; it was beyond our school field besides the graveyard. It had a ditch nearby and we used to call it the ‘Pit of Acheron’. We would sit there, for hours and hours together, talking, listening to songs, writing, reading (we never studied, and mostly we just yakked away). We used to live in our own little world, oblivious to everything else around us. Being with her, I was blissfully happy and without a doubt, she had become my bestest friend forever.

She used to call me ‘Squixie’ because she used to say I look like a squirrel. I could talk to her about everything and anything, anywhere and anyhow. I was completely myself with her and never had to put up a facade of any kind. We used to talk for hours on the phone and before hanging up, we would always go like this: “Okay, bye, take care, love you, miss you, study well, all the best, bye, everything everything, myly, xoxo, bye, bye, take care, love you, everything, ua ua ua ua!” and would go into fits of laughter again!

(I should clarify here that ‘myly’ stands for “miss you love you” and ‘xoxo’ means “hugs and kisses”.)

I should also clarify that both of us are straight!

Everyday and every moment spent with her was special but there is one day I can never forget and I know even she can’t. The day was just, too perfect; it was one of the happiest days of my life. It was 7^th of November, two days before my birthday. While the drills and races were taking place, we were wandering around the school premises and we came across this beautiful place. It was quiet and peaceful there. And I remember just sitting there with her, listening to our favorite songs, one plug in one of our ears, feeling the breeze blowing against our faces. It was amazing. We even carved out our names on one of the walls there. (It’s still there by the way; I went to see it last month.) When it got dark we went toward the crowds to see what was happening and we saw everybody was cheering and enjoying the ‘Gymnastics on Wheels’ show that we have every year in school. We stood there, cheering and hooting with everybody; when suddenly, they played one of our favorite songs ‘Numb’ on the loudspeakers! Both of us looked at each other and SCREAMED at the top our lungs, jumping, singing along, clapping, laughing and hugging each other again and again while the others looked at us as if we’ve lost it, for good! That moment, that was the moment when I was truly, wonderfully, absolutely blissful. She was the one who made me feel that way.

School wasn’t school without her and we always seemed to have SO much to share with each other. Like we could just talk and talk and talk non stop.

There are so many incidents I can mention, the school picnic, the time she won the debate and we celebrated, the way we used to sit and have our lunches together, the time we went to this school fete and sat on all the rides, the way she used to explain things to me and the way we used to make other feel better when one of us was feeling lousy, my birthday party (where we danced like crazy on LP for more than 10 min). I was so close to her that I never thought I’d be myself if I ever lose her. We were soul mates.

But today, she doesn't want to talk to me. After our Board exams, some misunderstandings cropped between us. I don’t even know what exactly happened, but apparently I hurt her deeply. I hurt her and I didn’t even realize it. She went back to Muscat and we didn’t speak for a long, long time. When she did come back, I knew something was wrong and that she had changed. She moved to Delhi for graduation whist I stayed back here.

She never tried to contact me again, she wanted to forget me and move on. She told me that she doesn’t want to be friends anymore because she can’t be what she used to be with me and she loves me too much to hurt me. At first I didn’t understand, I was hurt, angry, confused, infuriated and did not understand why she would do such a thing. I cried over it, hurt and miserable. But after a lot of thinking, I finally think I’ve understood.

It’s okay if she doesn’t want to talk. I shouldn’t worry about it; because that is what makes her happy. I'm sure she has her reasons and if I look from her perspective, it would all make sense to me. I can’t be selfish and demand her to talk to me. I’m sad that it’s over, but I’m glad that it happened. I’m grateful I came across her; I’m thankful she befriended me and loved me so selflessly. I know things got screwed up somewhere, but even the thought of the moments spent with her, fills my heart with warmth and my eyes with tears. I miss her, terribly, but I’m all right now. If you’re reading this Maryam, by any chance, I want you to know I have no hard feelings against you and that you will be etched into my memory forever and will always and always be my BFF.

This is something that she wrote in my diary when we were departing, when we met for the last time:

“There’s no time left now, is there Astha? No time to do those things we wanted to. No time to finish all the things we left unfinished. No time to fill up another dialogue copy. No time to sing, no time to fill up the song diary, no time to finish our ‘story’, no time to Chester-around, no time to pass comments on Bhaturia’s microscopic blouses, no time to make long faces during Math classes, no time to run across the campus holding hands, no time to sit together and talk, no time to kiss dragonfly-Chester, no time to make fun of all the so-not-Chester-guys, no hogging Priyanka’s tiffin, no wearing those shoes and that scraggly ribbon, no time to sit in the warm winter sun, no school. What will I do? What? How will we go to the Pit of Acheron? The beautiful place? Library? 7^th A classroom? Canteen?

I know that you’re going to be a great successful girl Astha. You do have a really bright future. Don’t mess it by holding on to the things that have passed by. Cherish it, yes, but don’t let it hinder your steps. You’ll grow out of it. Stand up to the world and face it. Let’s face it together Astha, holding hands, let’s be humble about it. Let’s look into the horizon together, let’s fly high, and soar into the sky as far as our wings can take us. Let’s make our lives what we dream them to be.”

I just want you to know: Thanks for all those wonderful moments; thank you for giving me another reason to be happy and grateful, even if it was for a short while :)

I love you and you will never ever be forgotten.

It's A Wonderful Life!

Some days back, I was depressed and had no idea why. Actually, I did, sort of. I knew the stupid little reasons which had dampened my spirit but I couldn’t fathom why they would make me feel so pathetic. I felt wretched and I was depressed. I wouldn’t say it was a ‘I-just-wanna-die’ depression, but more of a ‘go-away-and-let-me-stay-under-my-covers’ one.

Maybe subconsciously, I knew what was bothering me but I couldn’t really pin point it out. Or possibly I just didn’t want to accept it. Whatever the case was, for days I just stayed at home, missed college for a couple of days, wept like a crybaby and mostly just slept. Every little problem that I was facing seemed to magnify and I felt as if nothing is right anymore. It’s like sometimes things just happen one after the other and you feel as if you just going to explode if one more thing goes wrong. That’s why I just went into this morbid state and locked myself up and tried to sleep it off.

Personally, I don’t think there’s anything wrong in crying and letting your emotions out, but it was getting too much and it was getting on to my nerves. So, I made conscious efforts to make myself feel better.

I called up a friend and went out with her, I talked to my mom, I watched a movie, I went out for a walk listening to my favorite songs. And slowly, I started feeling better and soon enough; I was back to my usual self. And I realized how brainless I was, being all morose and brooding over nothing. I also came to the conclusion that every problem in the world had a solution, we just need to think it over. And even if there isn’t a solution, there is no reason to fret and worry and cry over it, we just have to learn how to accept and be happy!

Because I was feeling so positive about life, I decided to do something. I’ve written 20 reasons why I love my life! I don’t know when I will start wallowing in my own little ‘tragedies’ again, so maybe reading his would make me feel better! Sooo, here goes:

1.  I love the way when my mom is scolding me for something (mostly for not cleaning my room or not getting up on time), I grab her and hug her and she hugs me back and lovingly gives me a whack on the head! I love it when she makes me roll on the floor laughing when she starts doing those funny things she sometimes does!

2.  I lovvvve it when it rains and I go out and get absolutely        soaked to the skin and then later dry myself up and demand for pakoras and tea!

3.  I love the way I go nuts talking nonsense and laughing my ass off whenever I’m with my sister. And they way I feel when she hugs me every time before she leaves.

4.  I LOVE it when I’m snuggled up in my covers during those long winter nights listening to my favorite songs and getting lost in my own dreams and fantasies.

5.  I love it when I stay up all night reading an enthralling book and don’t even mind feeling groggy the next day in class because it was worth every minute!

6.  I love the way my dad shakes his head and sings along (and mom rolls her eyes) when a song of his choice starts to play on the radio in the car on one of out family outings!

7.  I love to know that whenever I’m feeling moody or low, someone is always there to put a smile on my face.

8.  I lourrrve the feeling I get when I have a long, satisfying, meaningful conversation with a close friend.

9.  I love the fact that when I’m with my best friend, we’re so comfortable, even silence doesn’t seem awkward.

10. I love it when I go completely crazy laughing uncontrollably with my friends and when every stupid thing seems hilarious!

11. I love the fact that I can watch movies back to back into the weeee hours of the night and then help myself to a midnight snack!

12. I love the feeling I get when I associate a particular song to a particular person\memory\time\place.

13. I love the way I call my friends up during those never-ending stressful exam days for ‘saantvana’ and then end up making plans about what we’d do during vacations!

14. I love doing NOTHING. It’s one of my favorite things to do. Just sitting still, staring off into space.. or just thinking, about nothing in particular.

15. I love the way we make last-second plans to bunk classed and go out to grab a bite. Also, passing notes in class and pouncing on each other’s tiffins after the very first lecture!

16. I love the way it feels when I just sit alone on my terrace, or when I go for a walk on a breezy evening, reminiscing and smiling to myself.

17. I love it when my granddad tells me some historical story (although 90% of the time he would’ve already narrated it to me before) when we all have lunch together.

18. I love it when all of us sit in the bedroom inside out quilts when it’s cold and TALK; or maybe watch TV and munch on peanuts and dry fruits.

19. I love talking to my bro about our childhood (which was the BEST phase of my life.. ever) and reliving all the games we used to play (Barbie-Spiderman-He-Man!) and how we used to fight over toys!

20. Finally, I love my life because I love myself! Despite all my imperfections, I’m a perfectly lovable creature and people lourve me! :P

I have numerous other reasons I can mention here, but I guess this entry is long enough already. Also, because I’m going to turn twenty next month (sigh, that’s right), I think it is fitting if I restrict this list to 20 reasons.

It’s an exhilarating feeling to feel happy and grateful about life!

You should try it too!

One Swallow doesn't make a Summer!

Why do you like a movie? Is it because it makes you happy? Because it inspires you? Or because it moves you to tears? Sometimes it does all three. Yesterday I saw one such movie: ‘(500) Days of Summer’. I had heard quite a lot about it and so yesterday I finally got around seeing it. It started off just like all typical romantic love stories. Except that it isn’t one. It’s a story about a boy, Tom who believes in true love and in the notion of ‘the one’; and how he meets a girl Summer and falls hopelessly in love with her.

She is the kind of girl who doubts the concept of soul mates and marriage and love. All the same, they go out and stay happily together for about a year when one day she out of the blue tells him that she thinks they should stop this and continue being friends. This sudden and unexplained decision hurts him and he fails to understand why she would end something that was so perfect and happy.

He plunges into self-pity and depression until they meet at a friend’s party again. After she invites him to another party, he gets hopeful of getting back together again but is devastated to find out that she is engaged. He is completely shattered as all his fairytale illusions come crashing down. He quits his job and whiles away his time wallowing when one day his pre-adolescent sister tells him that he should look back on his relation again and he might realize that it wasn’t as perfect as he thinks it was. As he contemplates and relives all their moments spent together he comprehends that she was right. And that’s when he starts to focus on his career (he wanted to become an architect). Much later, he meets Summer again and she tells him that he was right about true love- it does exist. But it wasn’t what they had. Something about their relation did not seem right to her but she was sure about it when she was going to marry the other guy.

Later when he waits for an interview in a company, he meets another girl who he asks out for coffee. That girl’s name is Autumn! =)

The major reason why I liked the movie was because it wasn’t like other movies. It was different. The other typical movies mostly follow this pattern: boy and girl meet, they date, they fall in love, there is a misunderstanding, they separate, and they always patch up again! And I would have been very disappointed if the boy and girl had ended up together. You see because that’s what makes it so realistic! This is how things are in the real world. Sometimes even the ideal relations don’t work out.

I liked some things that Tom says in the movie. He says that all these mushy movies and pop songs and books and cards put up a very idealistic image in front of us. Things aren’t ever perfect. I can relate myself with Tom. Even I used to believe in perfect matches and ‘happily-ever-afters’. I guess that’s how we all are at some phase in our lives. And it’s when someone breaks out hearts or hurts us that we come out of the delusion. Maybe that’s an important part of life. Heartache. Pain. That’s how we learn, and grow.

He also questions ‘love’. Seriously, what is love? Can you define it?

What I feel is, that it is this phase in our lives, (and everybody goes through it), where you start adoring and obsessing over this one person, who makes you feel alive and contented! That’s also what the movie shows: how beautiful being in love can be. How blissful and euphoric someone’s presence in your life can make you feel. It’s like your whole world revolves around that person. You love everything about them. Life seems amazing! Like Tom says in the movie, “I love how she makes me feel, like anything's possible, or like life is worth it.”

Aww! It’s such an incredible feeling! I loved their chemistry in the movie, they looked so cute together! But according to me, Tom didn’t really fall in love with Summer, he just fell in love with the feeling of being in love. He thought that she was the perfect girl for her but then realizes that it wasn’t so flawless after all. I guess everyone goes through the troughs and ridges of relationships. Isn’t it startling sometimes how something that seems totally ‘meant-to-be’ later starts to seem absurd? This is how life is. C'est la vie! People change. Time passes. Old relationships are forgotten. New ones are made.

The movie also gives you hope. Instead of moping around after a break-up, maybe if we start ‘looking’ again, we might actually stumble across a person who we feel can be ‘the one’. It’s not the end of the world! Pick yourself up and brush yourself off, life can be beautiful again! It makes you feel so… positive. Again, it doesn’t have to be perfect. It’s like how Bob Marley said, “Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you’ve just got to find the ones worth suffering for.”

I didn’t really understand why Summer abruptly decides to leaves him and marries a guy who she hardly even knew. But then again, she must have had her reasons. Maybe sometimes you do feel that it’s meant to be. The scene where they meet for the last time got me so emotional. I was sniffing about. It was kind of heart-breaking. Sometimes you have no idea why things don’t work out. And it hurts even more because you can’t get it. But then maybe that’s because you don’t see the big picture. At that time, you’re so morose and grieved of losing someone you love so much, that you don’t even realize that something even better might be in store for you. When one door closes, another door opens!

All said and done, I was glad the movie ended at a positive note. He finally crawled out of his despondent shell and found another girl. Maybe he fell in love with her again. Maybe she broke his heart again. Or maybe they ended up together. Who knows?

Hmpf. Love is stupid. Yet people run after it. I read this somewhere “Love is like dark chocolate. Although it always leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth, you will still be tempted to take a bite the next time around.” It’s like something totally irresistible. As they say, love is what makes the world go round!

P.S.- Another reason to watch the movie: Joseph Gordon Levitt is CUTE! ;)

Starry Silence.

This blog entry is exclusively dedicated to this silly, hilarious, extremely interesting guy I met only like four months back. It’s crazy how sometimes you just click with a person right from the very beginning and then there’s no looking back! It has been like that with us. Actually, the reason why I took so long to write this entry was because I couldn’t figure out exactly what to write as the introduction. There is just so much to this moron and I’ll fall short of adjectives! :P

The picture is a little something I made for him, which I’m yet to mail him.

Except for the catastrophic disaster on 7^th of June 2010, whenever I think of him I can only think of how witty and amusing he is and how he makes me ROFL, A-AND, how devastatingly CUTE he is. Seriously, I cannot even describe how MUCH I feel better when I talk to him, especially when I’m at my depressed best. And how when we start yakking on the phone, we go on for hours and hours oblivious to everything around us, until we look at the time and go "Oh God, Oh God" :P I just love this idiot of a person who is one of my bestest friends (because I'm completely myself when I talk to him and because I can jabber with him about anything under the sun). Also, not only is he one of the strongest candidates in my Top10 list, but he has also advanced to the stage of becoming my Back-Up! ;) *Applause* That is really something! This poem (“phom”) actually came into existence one night when I was texting with him and I wrote this sentence which he thought was cool and so he asked me to write a poem revolving around it. So I began to think and well, I just wrote it! Just like that! Everybody cannot actually understand some underlying meanings, so you’re free to interpret people! Yeah, so, here it is, an Ode to Cheenti!

Starry Silence

I lie back, staring at the walls,

Senses wide awake, slowly the night falls.

Mind wanders; off into another dimension it goes,

Thoughts sift through the breeze coming through the windows.

Thoughts, they fly, swirl around in my head,

As silent laughter echoes around the empty room,

The ceiling’s gone, the stars are wet.

The night crawls by, surreal dreams with it she brings,

Reality fades away, imagination gets wings.

I get lost in my dreamy stance, too blissful to come out,

Eyelids grow heavy; inside my reverie I have a doubt.

The darkness is shattered by a sudden blinking light,

I follow the source and it fills me with delight.

The warmth spreads all around and radiates from my face,

Pondering about it all, feelings caught in a maze.

Is it ephemeral, a fleeting stint of glee?

Or is it eternal? Or can anything ever be?

As my head touches the pillow, it starts to rain,

I smile, close my eyes and here I go again,

Thoughts they fly, swirl around in my head,

As silent laughter echoes around the empty room,

The ceiling’s gone, the stars are wet.

Drops Of Earth!

One time of the year that I completely find irresistible and totally refreshing is the monsoon season! It’s not like I don’t enjoy the other times. I adore winters. Snuggling up inside the covers, reading a good book against the window, colorful woolen hats, mufflers and gloves, warming your hands on a mug of hot coffee, sitting with your parents with heaters on having peanuts, napping on your terrace soaking in the wonderful winter sun.. But the rains! They just do something to me. The smell of wet mud, and the sound of the drops of rain falling on your umbrella, jumping in water puddles, leaning out your verandah, feeling the drops fall on your face, having hot pakoras with tea! I still remember how, as tiny kids we would make paper boats and sail them in on the roads outside our house. And how we would hope for it to rain so that we could show off our new umbrellas and colorful raincoats!


I get this excited, jumpy, exhilarating feeling whenever it starts to pour. And I just cannot stop myself from going out and getting completely soaked! Lately it has been raining heavily almost everyday! It’s remarkable how my mood stays in sync with the weather! If it’s sunny and hot, I’ll be all sullen and dull. If it’s windy and rainy, I’ll be “Wee-ing” all over the place! My excitement level also increases as the rain starts to fall harder and faster!


Today turned out to be a surprisingly fun day. It was one of my friends [Smriti (the OTHER Smritis)] birthday. So we went to her place to give her this little surprise thing we had planned for her! Some of her other friends had decorated her apartment, blown balloons and that sort of thing. When we were done with all the ‘Surpriiiiiiiiiiiiise’ yelling and birthday wishing, and squealing and hugging sessions, we realized that it was pouring cats and dogs and horses and elephants outside! She suddenly exclaimed, “Let’s go on the terrace!!” And like small kids, we screamed and ran up to her terrace (which was on the 6th floor). It was amazing, the gush of wind, the awesome thunder clouds, the huge plump water drops which in a matter of seconds completely drenched us from head to toe! I spread out my arms and looked towards the sky and had this massive smile on my face. In no time, we were running all over her terrace and jumping in the water puddles playing splish-splash like toddlers! We were singing songs, and trying out various innovative dance moves and just being simply crazy. The view was invigorating, I could see the fields, the houses, the roads, the trees, everything just seemed so fresh and bright and new! Smriti’s mom clicked our pictures (and we made lunatic poses) and after we were done, she gave us fluffy towels to dry ourselves with, because we were dripping wet. After we all changed, we were welcomed by the sight of hot big samosas and steaming cups of coffee and a chocolate cake on the table! Ah, what could have been better?
As we sat there, wolfing down the samosas, cake and sipping coffee and chatting and laughing away to glory, I got this warm feeling in my belly. Some days turn out to be way better than you can expect. Who would have thought, when we were there, sitting in out classroom and listening to our Computer science teacher babbling god-knows-what, that after some time we would be having the time of our lives in the rain?


As always the whole bright, beautiful atmosphere made me hum a very suitable song. It is called ‘Drops of Earth’ by a very talented band, which is not known to many people, ‘Advaita’:


”In this rain as it falls
Back to life come days long gone
When we raced for some cover
Drenched in drops of earth all over

Clouds admired then drops we chased
Felt the mist in that rain
Run and hide and splashed all over
Made a friend once again

In that rain..”

I completely fell in love with today. I was looking forward to such a thing, you know. I mean, getting wet alone is another thing and having a rain dance party with friends is totally another! Don’t you think it such an ammmazing aspect of nature? I mean its water! And it just… falls! On everything! Wow! (Do I sound insane? :P ) It is like a gigantic shower somewhere in the sky!
Sometimes life gives you moments that you can look back on and cherish even after years and years and years. Today has been one such day! Cheers to the rains! :D

A Musical Extravaganza!

Today has been one of those awesome fun-filled college days. Social Science students were bubbling with excitement because today we had our Western Solo and Group Singing Competition. It wasn’t just a Co-curricular competition. Based on today’s performance, students were going to get selected to perform at the Convocation AND would get a chance to go out of station to take part in the Youth Fest! Everybody was busy practicing and singing and yodeling in classes and the corridors. Well, as always we hadn’t practiced our song beforehand. In fact, we hadn’t even decided which song we were going to sing. So, the best part was, that we bunked two classes and went to a friend’s (Smriti) place to practice. We decided to sing “Sway” by The Pussycat Dolls. Out came her majestic synthesizer and we started singing. It was so much fun, singing, practicing, harmonizing, our voices blending together and forming this beautiful symphony. We would also start singing other songs just because we were enjoying singing them so much! Well, at first I decided I won’t take part in the solo contest. But then I was like, what the hell, let’s give it a shot. So I practiced a bit of “Way Back Into Love” from the movie ‘Music and Lyrics’.
We went to college, late for our next class. :P
When the competition started, we were one of the first groups to perform, and surprisingly, we sang much better than we had expected to sing! It was a great feeling, to stand there, singing, accompanied by the soft acoustic guitar being played by one of my friends (Samrath) tapping your feet, snapping your fingers along with the beat.
When the solo part commenced, I started getting all jittery. I knew most of the singers there were brilliant and I knew I didn’t stand a chance against them. As I saw the students, going on to the stage one by one and performing, I was startled and also happy to know that we’ve got such talent in our college. I mean some of them sang just amazingly well man. I completely enjoyed it, sitting there, listening to their songs, feeling them, singing along and then clapping and cheering. But as my turn approached, I was all nerves. I almost chickened out, but my friends asked me not to do so and go and give it my best try.
Then I realized, to think of winning the competition or getting selected for the fest was a long-shot. No, I did not want to take part in it for anybody; I had to do it for myself. I had to get rid of my stage-fright. I knew I had to go there and sing as well as I could. And that’s what I did. I didn’t even look at the audience (because that makes me nervous). I just looked straight ahead and after singing a line or two, I got this comfortable feeling. I didn’t do a bad job, really. And the best part was that I didn’t goof up and it helped me shed some of my inhibitions to some extent. It felt good when my friends told me I sang well. :=)
The results will be announced tomorrow. I don’t even care who wins. I’m happy that I did not back out. I would have seriously regretted it. After everything got over we went outside and the weather was amazing. It was cloudy, windy, chilly and it was drizzling. We are to give an Official Freshers party to our juniors on the 21st and we started to think of more songs that we could sing that day. It was so much fun, standing there, singing songs on the top of our lungs, and talking and laughing. The whole atmosphere had this musical ring to it which just rejuvenated my soul. And even on our way back home, on my Scooty, we kept singing songs without a care in the world.
Truly, what would life be without music? Without all these wonderful songs and musical instruments and tunes and lyrics and surs? This thought immediately reminded me of a song by Abba: Thank You For The Music.
It goes like this:

“Thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing
Thanks for all the joy they're bringing
Who can live without it, I ask in all honesty?
What would life be?
Without a song or a dance what are we?
So I say thank you for the music
For giving it to me.”

I completely love music. <3 Music is life. Music transports you into another world. Music stays with you forever. Music enriches your spirit. Music makes you happy. There are SO many amazing singers and players in the world. There is so much more music to be explored and heard and appreciated and enjoyed. I came across this quote once somewhere: “Music is enough for a lifetime, but a lifetime is not enough for music.”
I honestly have this unexplainable admiration and respect for people who can sing well.. They make the world a brighter place to live in! Kudos to all the great singers and musicians worldwide! :D

Transformation.

Last night as I sat on my bed, my earphones plugged in, feeling the loud music fill my ears, my brain, my body and overpowering my senses, I realized something. I have grown up. Okay, I know a lot of people who know me well are going to roll their eyes reading this, but it’s true. Growing up doesn’t mean you suddenly become demure and sophisticated; it means a radical change in the way you think and feel. I’m nineteen going on twenty (even the thought of entering the 20s scares me!). To most people, I seem to be this happy-go-lucky, crazy and quirky teenager. The kind who keeps hoppity hopping about, who can enter into sudden paroxysms of laughter and who has the ability to yammer nonstop. My close friends also know, however, that I can enter into dangerous mood swings and it’s better for them to stay away from me at such times! I’ve almost always been like this.
But somehow, somewhere, some part of me (although it’s not relatively a very big part) did grow up.
I think, I have started analyzing things more logically now. Earlier I used to be too impulsive. I wouldn’t follow my instincts. I’m almost out of my dreamy, adolescent cloak and I’m closer to reality. I’ve met various types of people and I have accepted the fact that they can be selfish, rude, blatant or plain disgusting. I’m aware of the fact that life can be a bitch. And worse is yet to come.
I make decisions more rationally now, and I’m in the process of getting my priorities straight. I know who my friends are and who are the people who just put up a friendly facade.
At the same time, I also know that if you really look beyond all these things, life is beautiful! :) Going to college, submissions at the very last minute of the very last day, bunking classes religiously, going crazy with friends, spending time with family, humming songs in the rain.. there are so many amazing aspects of life which makes life worth living!
I recently read my diaries. Stuff that I had written when I was 13.. 15.. 17.. I was this subdued, self-conscious, insecure girl. I used to crib and worry about piddling issues. I used to get crushes on guys who make me throw up today! I was.. dumb, truth be told. And I’m glad I’m not that girl anymore.
I also observed the gradual change in my choice of music. I started with ‘Backstreet Boys’, ‘Westlife’, ‘Britney Spears’, then moved on to ‘Sting’, ‘Linkin Park’, ‘Creed’ and then ‘Porcupine Tree’ (MARRY ME Steven Wilson!!) , ‘Radiohead’ and ‘Red Hot Chilli Peppers’.
It’s amazing how drastic the shift has been! It’s said that your choice of music tells a lot about you. If that’s true, then this just proves how much I’ve evolved over the years.
There is a LOT of scope for improvement though. I’ve made a few resolutions and I hope I stick to them. The top two are: 1. Gain weight 2. Improve your sleeping pattern (It’s after twelve and I’m wide awake and from the looks of it, I can’t see that happening today.)
I have a mountain of projects and seminars to work on, but the more I have to work, the less I do it. Oh yeah! Resolution no. 3. Stop being such a lazy ass and make sincere efforts to complete all your work on time. Sigh, as author Elbert Hubbard says, ‘Life is just one damned thing after another.”
Till then guys,
Peace out!

I'm all Ears!

God has constructed human beings beautifully. He has created us in the perfect way. For instance he has given us hands equipped with five unique fingers to perform innumerable functions. Not only are they useful for things like eating and picking things up, they are essential to do things like scratching, picking your nose..umm, ok you get the picture! And our five wonderful senses, each performing its own wonderful task. But I do admit that there are some gifts that the Almighty forgot to bestow upon us. For example, I really wish he had given us the power to close our ears the way we can close our eyes and mouth. I wish we had some sort of ear-lids which we could just pull down whenever required.
This strange thought entered my mind in the afternoon today, when each part of my body was trying its best to go off to sleep. Well last night, I had stayed up all night watching this amazingly entertaining and gripping serial ‘How I Met Your Mother’ and got up early today. (I think I saw ten episodes at a stretch!) So by the afternoon I was dead tired and desperately needed some shut-eye. So I entered my room, changed into my comfy pajamas and snuggled inside my warm quilt, smiling to myself. I had almost crossed the threshold of my dreamland, when a loud bang woke me up. Well, that was my mother, washing clothes right outside of my room (that’s where our courtyard is) and apparently she had dropped something. Grrr-ing to myself, I pulled my quilt together closer around me, and again began to drift into a badly needed slumber. Suddenly I heard my little cousin Ganu (he is only two) squealing at the top of his voice outside in the porch. To make things worse, his dad (my uncle) took out his basketball and began to dribble it right outside! To top it all, apparently every time he threw the ball at Ganu he would joyously scream “Ye maraaaaaaaaaaaaaa…ye maaraaaaaaaaaaa!” It was so infuriating that I got up, peeped out of my door and asked him to be quiet. And I think I was kind of rude. But I didn’t care. I really needed to sleep.
I finally managed to sleep. But my sweet slumber was short-lived. After about twenty minutes my grandparents came out and sat on their terrace, which is right on top of my room by the way. Now, as my grandfather is a little hard of hearing, my grandma practically had to say things twice and that too at the top of her voice. To increase my misery, they were having some kind of argument. I was rudely awakened with a shock as my grandpa went “Beh! Tum to sunti hi nahi ho!” It was so unfair! It seemed as if the whole world was conspiring against me. I pressed my pillow hard against my ear and prayed for sleep to engulf me. I was almost weeping with frustration. Would you believe it, after a while, my brother blared rock music in his room. I could NOT take it anymore. Without thinking, I got up, opened my door and screamed my lungs out “Will anybody bloody let me sleep in this goddamned house?”. To my surprise, there was prefect silence.
Finally, I managed to drift off into a wonderful sleep and slept for four hours straight.
But this experience left me pondering, about the benefits of having ear-lids. We wouldn’t have to listen to people we don’t want to listen to. We could just shut off our ears in the middle of an argument and avoid so many fights. We could sleep peacefully, anywhere. In a train, for example, we wouldn’t have to worry about the baby wailing its head off…or the fat old man in the next compartment who snores as loud as clouds thundering. You could just close your ear-lids and stay unaffected. You could even sleep peacefully during a boring lecture! I would have used my ear-lids especially during Diwali. I simply detest the way I jump out of my skin every time a bomb explodes!
Anyway, guess we can’t really do anything about it, can we? Although I’ve heard that a device has been invented, which completely cuts off all the noises around you. I guess it’d be quite useful! At least for a person like me. And for others as well, in the ears to come! :P

Nostalgia... Absurdia..

Its 14th November. 10:44 AM. I am at college, sitting at the Computer Centre. HAPPY CHILDREN'S DAY!!! :D Guess what, this was the first time that I didn't even remember that today's Children's day. It suddenly hit me when i read the newspaper today. School used to rock with excitement at this time of the year. We would either be taken for a movie or our teachers used to perform for us. God, I'm missing my teachers real bad today. Suddenly, I can picture Ma'am Dodia on the stage, delivering not-so-funny dialogues and everybody roaring with laughter. I can imagine Sister Lawrence wishing everyone a happy Children's day and distributing sweets. I can recollect all of us in out bright, colored attire, bubbling with excitement and chuckling and chortling. I miss my school and my friends so so much.
Anyway, It has been raining a lot here lately. As a result, its really chilly here. Just the way I like it. Atleast you don't sweat, and you don't get tanned!!

Umm.. college turned out to be not so bad after all. I mean I used to hate it in the beginning, but now I'm rather starting to like it. Ofcourse, the incessant tests, assignments, presentations, exams are a drag, but then its fun complaining about them. The one thing that I really enjoy is bunking classes. I never regret missing a class!! Its one of the joys of being in college. The second best thing about college is, you don't have to wake up at 6 everyday! Gosh, now that used to be a killer. I remember how many times I hadn't gone to school just because I couldn't get up in the morning! :P Especially during winters.
Oh and yes, something that I truly love doing is making fun of some of our teachers. Oh and this particular teacher, lets call him Mr.X drives us up the wall with his constant gibberish. We somehow manage to supress our laughter while he blabbers on. Ok let me give you an instance to prove how insane he really is. Once he had missed out calling my name while marking the attendance. So I went up to him and said "Sir, you didn't marke me presen--". He suddenly spurted, "Yas, I knows. Your the presentation has been the puts!", and gave me one of his not-so-toothy grins (because one of his tooth right in front is missing!) Imagine the amount of effort taken by me to keep myself from bursting out laughing on his face! Imagine how much stomach contraction it took me to avoid even showing my teeth.
God even thinking about him makes me wanna LOL.
Smriti, one of my pals here is sitting right beside me and poking her head at regular intervals, giving me regular inputs! :P Another thing that I'm thankful about, atleast I got some nice peeps around here. And hey we might go for a movie today. 2012. Yips!
So, to sum it up, I'm beginning to get the hang of the whole college thing. ITs fun actually. I was appehensive and almost nervous at first, but now everything seems really comfy. Hope it stays that way. Anyway, my class is almost over now. Gotta head back to my faculty. (I just love the weather!!)
See you all later!!