Time

Time.
Please fly.
Tonight, just for tonight.

A mistake.
Words that were not meant to be spoken
Flew away amidst the careless jokes
Carried away on the wispy winds of a winter night
Suddenly fell upon me like a glacier
The words that left me
Sleepless, shocked, in a state of disbelief.

Is it true?
I cannot help but shiver
At the enormity of the gesture
I cannot help but get lumps in my throat
At the thought, the effort, the love.

How am I supposed to sleep?
How am I supposed to react?
How am I supposed to survive the entire night?
I cannot feel my legs.
I cannot feel myself breathing.
The salty tears are the only silent spectators
The soft music the only company.

Time.
For once, please fly.
Just for tonight.
I cannot wait for the moon to go away,
For the sun rays to shine upon me.
I cannot wait
For the morning to come.
I cannot wait for the moment.

Time.
For once, would you please listen?

Good times

“Good times for a change.
See, the luck I've had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

So please, please, please
Let me, let me, let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Haven't had a dream in a long time.
See, the life I've had
Can make a good man bad

So for once in my life
Let me get what I want
Lord knows, it would be the first time
Lord knows, it would be the first time”

This is a song by The Smiths and I cannot get enough of it. It makes me sad and happy at the same time. It’s beautiful. I want to check out all their songs now.

Well, I’m 21! Yup, yup I said it. Myself. Man, I can’t believe I’m at such a good stage in my life and I’m stuck in this place. I need to get out there! I will! Fingers crossed.

I received lots of phone calls as soon as it was 12 on November 9. One of them involved two silly girls singing a silly made-up birthday song (I love you guys!) and one included a friend singing ‘Happy Birthday’ on his guitar. Out of the world. Then it got better. I got a chocolate cake and multi-coloured roses at 12 AM in the night. Yep, it was Chee. It had to be Chee. Of course, I shrieked till my already sore throat became almost fully clogged up. I cut the cake and mom dad hugged me and became all teary eyed for no reason. (So that’s where I get my weepiness from!!)

The first part of the next day was a disaster. My friend and I had an Industrial Law presentation and we had to go through 16 pages of excruciatingly painful information about the changes that took place in the workplace. I don’t understand why these books have to use such a convoluted language. You cannot understand the meaning at one go. I would read each mammoth paragraph-long sentence aloud and then both of us would at each other with an expression of horror and utter bewilderment trying to make sense of what we’d just read. It took forever to make the slides and we had to bunk the first two classes. Although we kicked ass during the presentation. We share a good presentation chemistry. (Hypo hi5 girl!)

Well, when I finally got free I realized everyone had gone home. Meansies!! I went out with girl to CCD and well we talked about the philosophy of life, standing up for our rights, and why parents never understand their kids and how we will always understand ours. We seemed to have gone high on caffeine. It was good. We were like two chirpy teenagers. But after that, NOTHING happened :(

A lot of my friends forgot to wish me and I was just sitting in my room; grumpy and alone. And then I changed from “I hate my friends” to “I love my friends” in a matter of seconds :P

Three of my friends, Chuski, Godfather and Fairguy (Yes, they’re not real names :P ) appeared on my doorstep, with huge, WIDE grins intact, holding a chocolate cake! And it was unbelievable. It was a chocolate vanilla cake with walnuts, cashewnuts, chocolate chunks with chocolate icing and gems on it! It was amazing! The rest is easy to guess. I don’t even have to write it down. I hopped, I hugged, I cried out “I have friends who do stuff for me! Lalalala!” and we sat around and talked. It was so nice!

The next morning I received the most amazing and the most endearing mail I’ve ever received. Sigh :) 

And so, another year has whizzed by. And it seemed like yesterday when I was cribbing about turning twenty! 

In the end it just comes down to this: it’s only about the people who matter. And the people who matter, will always be there for you to cheer you up.

Happy birthday to me! :D

P.S. Today’s date: 11.11.11. :)

The Gift

I'm spurting. Big time. A few days back I got a courier. From Flipkart. A book! Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson.

From?

Chee of course! Of all the Apple fans I know, he is one person who genuinely and honestly idolizes Steve Jobs. I've never seen anyone whose a bigger fan of anything or anyone. I really respect that.

Anyway, so there I was, having a perfectly normal day, ptch-ing around because there wasn't anything much to do, when BAM! There it was. Out of the blue. A blue package, with the nicest message written on a piece of paper. (Oh and the book was covered in very pop-able bubble wrap!) I would tell you what my reaction was but I don't know if I will be able to explain. It was a cross between crying, squealing, laughing and shaking.

That's my Chee. He does the nicest of things. And the best part is, he never needs a reason to do anything.
It's just him.

Omg I'm spurting all over again now. Chee, thank you for existing!


"Because Steve is, and forever will be, etched in our hearts."

Happy (Colon Capital) D!

Lately I’ve been kind of an eccentric recluse. Haven’t been talking to anyone much and haven’t been in the highest spirits as well. I have this feeling like I don’t connect with people anymore. Either I’m too crazy for them to get me; or, er, no, that’s it. I’m too crazy for them to get me.

I feel like they’re not going to understand the mad, bizarre, peculiar thoughts my whacky brain is capable of thinking about. And like, they’re going to lose their weird nature if they’re shared. Sometimes I just get mad looking at how happy they are, mostly. And then I think, why is it so hard for me to be happy?

The answer came to me today. You have to make efforts to be happy and even more efforts to remain happy. In normal circumstances, humans have a natural tendency to revert back into a depressed state. Much like, how water turns to room temperature. It’s so easy to be sad; but it’s difficult to laugh at your problems.

I had planned to spend Diwali in my room reading a book because I don’t like the smoke and the.. OK FINE! I’M SCARED of the bombs! They make me jump like little parakeets on a trampoline! What’s with all the noise man?! But my little cousins dragged me outside and voila! Everything was beautiful! Lit up, bright, happy, vibrant! And there was a nice gathering of my family and other relatives.

See, I’m no big fan of some people in my family, but on occasions like these, you tend to forget all your differences and problems and just get together and have fun. We burst crackers, ran about, jumped over charkhis and cheered at the anaars. Later I went to the terrace to witness the majestic view of the sky emblazoned with a never-ending cornucopia of colourful firecrackers. And now my folks are playing teen patti! 

At these family gatherings, amidst the teasing and the laughter; amidst the food and the photo sessions; amidst the generation gaps and the carefree banter; I sometimes look around me and get this warm feeling in my belly. Boy, am I glad to have these people in my life. They’re family. I’ll always have these people around; who will not let me feel lonely at events like these.

From frolicking around with the kids and feeling like a silly little girl, to having discussions with the elders, made me feel like I’m in such a perfect stage of my life. I don’t remember the last time I had so much fun on a festive occasion. It has been a good, good, good Diwali! 

Down is, definitely, the new up

I’m sitting on my PC after very long. I can smell the pleasantly delectable smell of the suji-besan ka halwa mom is preparing. I’m wearing a red and blue salwar kurta with blue jeans. The house is decorated with flowers and lit up with bright, twinkling lights. I’ve played my most favourite hindi songs of all times (Rang de Basanti, RHTDM, Dil Chahta Hai, Dil Se) It makes me gloomy in a weirdly content way.

It reminds me of a time gone by. A time that was too precious and too good to be true, before it went awry. I guess I’ve reached the phase when the profound pain is turning into a dull ache which kind of eases my nerves. It sounds highly twisted, this statement. It’s true. I’m waiting for it to fade away; and I know it will. What will remain will be a set of numb, distant, faraway memories which might even just make me laugh at the thought of how hopelessly naïve I used to be. It might also make me cry to think of how blissfully and unnaturally perfect my world felt. Or it might just make me smile, thinking about all those momenst, which had a big role to play in moulding me into what I am today. (Which is a depressed wuss, if truth be told)

As of now, I’m happy to be feeling this way. Maybe this is my transition phase. The indifferent, dejected mood makes me feel peaceful. It’s like how your tooth used to hurt just before it used to fall out. I know exactly what Jon Foreman means when he sings

“I find peace when I’m confused. I find hope when I’m let down.” And this confused, mixed, perplexed, misunderstood, hurtful feeling is what makes me feel sane sometimes. It makes me feel human.

‘Luka Chupi’ is playing now. It makes me cry usually. Right now though, I’m smiling.

"When I go forwards, you go backwards
And somewhere we will meet"

Happy Diwali :)

I wish airplanes in the night sky were shooting stars

Another excerpt from my diary:


I have a thing for airplanes. Like how I have a thing for the rains. And for the beach. And for songs that make me sad. And for guys with dimples. And various other aspects of life.

I’ve travelled by air a number of times now, but the entire process never fails to amaze me. Could people have imagined such a thing to even exist some 500 years ago? It is so fascinating to sit inside the aircraft comfortably (I always try to get the window seat), to feel the huge machine running smoothly on the runway, the power and the sound of the engine just before it takes off, the giddiness in the stomach as it rises in the air, the thrill as you watch the city look like a toy set in a matter of seconds, and feeling of flying majestically in the air at a dizzying height, cutting through the gigantic, puffy, dreamy clouds. It is breathtaking!

I’m sitting by the window in my Jet Airways flight from Andaman Islands to Chennai. I’m up in the sky!! At a height of 36000 ft!! All I can see beneath me is rippling blue water and huge white clouds!! I’m SITTING in the sky!! People around me are SLEEPING in the sky!! Travelling at a speed of 861km/hour!! And I can watch movies like Midnight in Paris and watch TV shows and interviews! How do these things happen?! Okay, I sound like an idiot :| We’re living in 2011!

But technology always leaves me astounded. What all have we achieved today! Anything is possible today! ANYTHING! Like the ‘Siri’ personal assistant feature in the new iPhone 4S. You can tell her things like “Remind me to pick laundry after work” or “Fix a meeting at 5”! It can read text messages and emails out to you! It can give you its own amusing versions of answers when you ask her questions like “What is the meaning of life?”!

But, nyem, I’ve mixed feelings about being so awfully dependent on technology. It gives people the freedom to be careless, forgetful, lazy. It makes them value the little things in life less. Makes me feel that at this rate we’re going to end up like the people in Wall e.  I’ve always had this conflict about the Kindle. It is an awesome invention, and I would love to have it so that I’d get to read so much more, so conveniently, but I love the actual books too much to give up on reading them and reading everything out of a screen. I like the feel of paper between my fingers and the smell of print. I even love hunting for a particular book in bookstores and shedding my own money. It is so valuable and close to your heart then :)

My phone was off through most of my trip and the fact that no one could call me or text me was kind of.. uplifting. But then very soon, I felt so cut off from the rest of the world. I had no idea about Steve Jobs’ death for two whole days. I was ..shocked. The world had lost one of its most iconic men and I was unaware.
Anyway, coming back to the trip, Andaman Islands were exhilaratingly beautiful. Port Blair is a quaint little town. It’s cool, green, filled with white, clean, sandy beaches, water sports, hammocks, shells and corals and boats. We went to Corbyn’s Cove beach in the rain and I kind of lost it. We visited the historical Cellular Jail and it gave me goosebumps and shivers as we saw the light and sound show and listened to the stories about the prisoners and their struggles. You HAVE to visit it if you ever visit Port Blair.

It has been an incredible trip. Feels like a lifetime :)
And now, it’s back to my ol’ li’l Agra again. Hello, dusty roads and crowded places, I’m coming back!! :)


P.S. Yes, I know, the title of the post is based on a song. I don't like the song but I like the line. And I could REALLY use a wish right now..

Good to be back? Uhm, NO!

This is something I had penned down in my diary in my hotel room after we came back to Chennai:


After the weeklong stay at Malaysia and Singapore, landing at the Chennai airport left me stunned for a while. The ‘indianness’ was suddenly so much more magnified and apparent. The sticky heat, the stink, the brownish-orange spit stains adorning the walls, the dirty floors.. I was aghast at the low standards of the airport because I was expecting it to be something like IGI, Delhi; which it clearly, clearly wasn’t.

And suddenly I realized the stark contrast between India and Singapore. It was immense! The dirty roads, the men urinating by the roadside, people throwing litter anywhere and everywhere, the bustling crowded, noisy places, the carefree cow strolling lazily on the highway. All these things became more pronounced. It gave me a glimpse of what the tourists and foreigners and NRIs must go through when they visit India. I stayed out of it for ONE week and this is what I felt. They must go oh-so-crazy! Mom and I were acting like sophisticated phonies and saying things like “Eww, so tacky, so gross!”  :P

After Agra, Singapore had felt like a dream. Everything there is made to perfection. It is shiny, sparkly and runs with such finesse and efficiency. We saw the iconic Merlion statue, we took a river cruise to visit all the prominent buildings; we took a cable car ride overlooking the majestic view of the city. Everything about that place will fill you with enthusiasm.

Sentosa was delightful. The colourful places, the attractions, the rides, the restaurants, the ambience, the music, the people, everything is enough to make your day! The highlights of the day were definitely the underwater world (witnessing sharks and the craziest looking sea creatures floating over your heads was some experience) and Songs of the Sea (a laser-light-water show on the beach)

(Cable car view of Singapore)

(Clarke Quay, Singapore)

(River cruise at Clarke Quay)

(The Merlion)

A place like this really makes you wonder what went wrong with your country and why it couldn’t achieve what Singapore could in such a short time. Population? Corruption? Illiteracy? Everything is interrelated I guess. Many times, over there, standing in a queue or in the bus, I observed all the people. Indians were very easy to spot. One, their colour, yes. But Indians everywhere always seem so tensed. Like they’re worried something bad might happen, like all the time. And they’re either eating or making noise. Mostly huge families together. Maybe that’s how they’re tuned to living. In crowds, amongst cheats, fighting for a small thing with so many people pushing them around.. that’s just how they’ve become.

Our hotel was magnificently huge. Large beds, a fantastic view of the city, pool and wifi. What else do you need? It felt so good to not see a single ant/insect/fly/mosquito/lizard/cockroach anywhere in that entire place whatsoever. Thinking of going back sucks. But there are a few things that I do want to do. Like talking to my friends and making long phone calls and eating aloo tikki and maggi noodles and blue lays’ magic masala favoured! And back there, one packet won’t cost 4 dollars!!

KL

People of the world! How are we today? Wait, before you answer, let me tell you how I am today! I am AWESOME! :D

I’m sitting in my hotel room in KL and I cannot believe I’m here and the things that I’ve done in the past three days. I’m in love with this city. It’s clean, green, non-dusty, the people are friendly, the buildings make your caps fall off your heads, the roads are smooth and everything is well managed and systematic. Genting Highlands was one crazy adventure. Experienced high-pitched-scream-generating and thrilling roller coaster rides. It’s set up on top of a hill and it’s splendidly beautiful. Everything is just beautiful about that place. We also visited a chocolate factory export surplus shop and drooled over huge dragons made of dark chocolate, saw the Petronas towers, walked around the local areas and bought awesome tiny things, sat in Asia's longest cable car overlooking rich, green tropical rain forests accompanied by amazing weather and lived in luxurious hotels! And it's not even over yet!!

Today was Sunway Lagoon. These places are HUGE. One day is never enough to experience everything.  Dad and I tried out reverse bunjee jumping today. You’re shot into the air at a speed of 200km per hour like a bullet and then you come down, and go up again and come down again. Your entire world goes topsy turvy upside down. It’s exhilarating and feels out of the world! I screamed till my lungs were sore. It was amazing. I could do that again! The water park was a lot of fun and dad was being such a sport. He accompanied me on all the crazy, scary, snaky water slides! I love him!

We have been walking nonstop since morning and my legs feel like they will get detached from my body! Tomorrow we’re doing Singapore and we’ve to get up early! I cannot write a detailed post, even though I really really want to! I’m just out of the world amazed and excited and exuberant at what the world can offer!

I just looked out of my window. The city looks awesome. Sigh. I wish to live in a place like this.

Some day. One day!

Off to a land far far away!

Some days turn out to be hilarious. But some days begin in the most comical way possible. My mom came to wake me up in the morning and the general custom is that she shakes me and pokes me and I cover myself up and mumble things like “Go away”, or “5 more minutes” or something to that effect. But would you believe my mom’s bewilderment when she shook me today and I looked at her and burst out laughing. Hysterically! In a half-sleepy state. Mouth open and eyes half-closed. She stood there befuddled and asked me if I was okay. I then realized I had been laughing in my dream, and uncannily, I was laughing at her! I’ve been guffawing at that incident all day. Crazy! :P

Anyway, guess what?  I’m excited. That doesn’t even remotely describe just how excited I am. I’ve been packing! And planning and dreaming! Why?

Okay, here it comes. *clears throat* I’m going on an amazing family trip to Malaysia and Singapore! :D :D

I can already feel the anticipation rushing through my veins as I type this! OMG, how did this happen? Here I was, not too long ago, longing for a break, longing to go somewhere, do something exciting and now I’m flying 5000 miles away and going to live in a different time zone! And going to amazing water parks and night safaris and water shows and rides and what not! And on the way back we’re going to stay at Chennai and the Andaman Islands as well! In your FACE, monotony, in your face!  Talk about a good trip, huh? Okay I don’t want to gloat or anything, but I’M REALLY REALLY EXCITED!! :D

All day I’ve been googling all the places we’re going to and have just been going *gasp* ‘wow!’ *gasp*’wow’! I’ve all intentions of sitting on every roller coaster ride I can and eat every new delicacy I can and scream at anything awesome I see and jump and prance on the streets and click crazy pictures and wear short clothes and smile at strangers and just have the time of my life! I’m going to break my going-to-a-different-country virginity!

The best part is that I’m also going to get a lot of alone time to spend with myself. I want to sit on a beach, listening to music, having a Pina Colada or watermelon juice, with my pen scribbling away in my diary. That’s the stuff!

I can’t believe I’m going to be incommunicado to the world for more than a week. That’ll be a first! But I’m also looking forward to it. To this complete detachment from my world. Although I’m going to miss a few people really bad and I wish they were going with me. Or that at least I could teleport my messages to them somehow. Anyway, I’m going to return on October 14 and I’m going to fill you up with the details of my trip!

Till then guys, stay awesome! And miss me! Wouldja? Couldja?  :D

P.S. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *pauses to breathe* eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! :D

Wear Sunscreen

I’ll give you three good reasons to read this blog post. First, read it if you want to read/hear something beautiful. Second, read it if you want to feel good about life. And finally, read it if you want to know why this song which my best bud shared with me (who I will henceforth refer to as Chee) makes me cry when I listen to it.

‘Wear Sunscreen’ is an essay titled "Advice, like youth, probably just wasted on the young" written by Mary Schmich and published in the Chicago Tribune as a column in 1997.  In her introduction to the column, she described it as the commencement speech she would give if she were asked to give one. The most popular and well-known form of the essay is the successful music single "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)", released in 1998, by Baz Luhrmann.

EVERY time I listen to it, I smile, I sigh, I dream, I spurt and I just feel happy. Such simple lines, and yet so powerful, moving and inspiring. The song conversion is simply beautiful. You have to listen to it. Like seriously!  

Here’s how it goes. Read it and savour it. And then watch the video I posted.

WEAR SUNSCREEN

“Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ‘97,

Wear Sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas 
the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.
I will dispense this advice now. 

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand 
the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how 
much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You’re not as fat as you imagine. 

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying 
is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. 
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your 
worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday. 

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who 
are reckless with yours. 

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind.
The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself. 

Remember the compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing
this, tell me how. 

Keep your old love letters; throw away your old bank statements. 

Stretch.

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with
their lives. Some of the most interesting 40 year olds know still don’t. 

Get plenty of calcium. 

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone. 

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll have children, 
maybe you won’t. Maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.
What ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.
Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. 


Enjoy your body.
Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it.
It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.. 

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. 

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. 

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly. 

Get to know your parents; you never know when they’ll be gone for good. 

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. 

Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get,
the more you need the people you knew when you were young. 

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard;
live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. 

Travel. 

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, 
you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were 
young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their 
elders. 

Respect your elders. 

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out. 

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85. 

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. 
Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past  from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth. 

But trust me on the sunscreen.”