I’m home. I just realized why people love being home so much. They can be utterly carefree and comfortable. They are with people who know them inside out and love them anyway in a manner not possible with anyone else. Those people know little, insignificant things about each other’s lives and you can recall, and reconnect and laugh about it all.
Home feels perfect after my stay at Delhi. I can do what I want. Get up late, and have the entire day sprawled in front of me. I watched the season finale of The Office. I knew it was going to be awesome, but it was much more than that. I love the couple Jim and Pam, and at one point in my life I thought I had what they had. But I didn’t. Then at another point of time I thought I had it again. But I didn’t. And I’m in this confused turmoil where everything seems haywire. Which is why it is really good for me right now to be at home. I have switched my phone off and thrown it in some corner of the house. It was to prove a point to myself. I wanted to do the same with my laptop, but I obviously couldn’t do it. So I’ve disconnected myself from absolutely everyone apart from my family. I don’t want to think anymore. Can I just run away from all the people I know and I've known and loved and never have to deal with anything ever again?
Even though getting rid of my phone seems to be working, I sometimes get curious to switch it on, but I tell myself otherwise. Must. NOT. Touch. Phone. I feel numb to all the negativity. I can’t feel anything. I'm too exhausted to feel anything. (Emotionally) And when it comes to me, that's rare. Yesterday I went to see Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani and I knew I wasn’t going to like it but I wanted to go out with everyone. And I laughed. A lot. Even though it was mostly because of the little kid sitting next to us who was jumping, clapping and laughing at every scene in the first half of the movie. Mom dropped almost all the popcorn in an entire tub, and the coffee hardly had any sugar, and ten minutes later the movie threw all palpable logic out of the window, but I seriously enjoyed myself. There’s a scene in the movie where Ranbir and Deepika are sightseeing in Udaipur, and they are sitting on top of this tall fort overlooking the city. And he’s telling her to hurry up otherwise they would miss some show. And she tells him, “No matter what you do in life, you’re missing out on something or the other. You can’t have everything. So why don’t you just enjoy the present?” And they sit there and watch the sunset.
I welled up at that scene because that made so much sense. Just cherish what you have. Right now. Don’t think about everything you could have been doing, because there is a LOT. Instead, try to make every situation worthwhile. I don't know why I keep forgetting that.
We also went for a nice family dinner to a good restaurant, and the food, the conversations, the drive back home, singing along with the songs, everything just makes me feel so much closer to my family. Papa, mumma, didoo and mangu. We don’t need anyone else. Mom is hilarious, and dad is really cute. Today when we all got dressed before going out, we started clicking pictures, and he started jumping like a little kid. It was so adorable. Didoo and I can entertain each other for hours on end. Mangu needs to be a little alive though. At home I feel like a complete kid again. Somewhere I can do anything in the world. Sing a Himesh Reshammiya song and shake my bum like a mad man. A place where you get each other's jokes and idiosyncrasies. A place where I can sit in the midst of my relatives and make them laugh their guts out.
In the last episode of The Office, Pam tells the viewers to always go for what will make you happy. She wants to tell all the girls out there to be strong, be confident enough to go for what they really want, and not for what they think they should do. And they should act fast because life isn’t really that long.
But what if you don’t even know what you want anymore?
Once my stint at home comes to an end, and I head back to college, I know I’m going to have to decide this.