Last night as I sat on my bed, my earphones plugged in, feeling the loud music fill my ears, my brain, my body and overpowering my senses, I realized something. I have grown up. Okay, I know a lot of people who know me well are going to roll their eyes reading this, but it’s true. Growing up doesn’t mean you suddenly become demure and sophisticated; it means a radical change in the way you think and feel. I’m nineteen going on twenty (even the thought of entering the 20s scares me!). To most people, I seem to be this happy-go-lucky, crazy and quirky teenager. The kind who keeps hoppity hopping about, who can enter into sudden paroxysms of laughter and who has the ability to yammer nonstop. My close friends also know, however, that I can enter into dangerous mood swings and it’s better for them to stay away from me at such times! I’ve almost always been like this.
But somehow, somewhere, some part of me (although it’s not relatively a very big part) did grow up.
I think, I have started analyzing things more logically now. Earlier I used to be too impulsive. I wouldn’t follow my instincts. I’m almost out of my dreamy, adolescent cloak and I’m closer to reality. I’ve met various types of people and I have accepted the fact that they can be selfish, rude, blatant or plain disgusting. I’m aware of the fact that life can be a bitch. And worse is yet to come.
I make decisions more rationally now, and I’m in the process of getting my priorities straight. I know who my friends are and who are the people who just put up a friendly facade.
At the same time, I also know that if you really look beyond all these things, life is beautiful! :) Going to college, submissions at the very last minute of the very last day, bunking classes religiously, going crazy with friends, spending time with family, humming songs in the rain.. there are so many amazing aspects of life which makes life worth living!
I recently read my diaries. Stuff that I had written when I was 13.. 15.. 17.. I was this subdued, self-conscious, insecure girl. I used to crib and worry about piddling issues. I used to get crushes on guys who make me throw up today! I was.. dumb, truth be told. And I’m glad I’m not that girl anymore.
I also observed the gradual change in my choice of music. I started with ‘Backstreet Boys’, ‘Westlife’, ‘Britney Spears’, then moved on to ‘Sting’, ‘Linkin Park’, ‘Creed’ and then ‘Porcupine Tree’ (MARRY ME Steven Wilson!!) , ‘Radiohead’ and ‘Red Hot Chilli Peppers’.
It’s amazing how drastic the shift has been! It’s said that your choice of music tells a lot about you. If that’s true, then this just proves how much I’ve evolved over the years.
There is a LOT of scope for improvement though. I’ve made a few resolutions and I hope I stick to them. The top two are: 1. Gain weight 2. Improve your sleeping pattern (It’s after twelve and I’m wide awake and from the looks of it, I can’t see that happening today.)
I have a mountain of projects and seminars to work on, but the more I have to work, the less I do it. Oh yeah! Resolution no. 3. Stop being such a lazy ass and make sincere efforts to complete all your work on time. Sigh, as author Elbert Hubbard says, ‘Life is just one damned thing after another.”
Till then guys,