Wednesday, September 18, 2013

'Cause I've got a peaceful, easy feeling :)

A few days back a friend visited the campus and he made me look at my campus in awe all over again, through the eyes of an outsider. I live in the kind of place where people pay thousands of rupees to go vacationing to. I have been dabbling into a lot of new music and I’m addicted to two new bands, Broken Bells and Imagine Dragons. They go really well with the overall atmosphere of this place. A couple of days back Possum and I went up on our terrace, in a desperate attempt to do something ‘spontaneous’ because we suddenly realized how little time is left before our time here gets over. Third semester flew by. Literally. 'Not like a an aeroplane, but like a rocket.' When I think about it, it seems like a flurry of assignments, workshops and guest lectures. And funny one liners and insane laughter sessions at night.

And oh, sleeping like this every day.



It rained gloriously today. With frighteningly loud thunder and purple lightning. It has been pouring since the past few days and it makes me enter this euphoric stupor where I suddenly fall in love with everything around me. It felt amazing to just sit back and observe the rain. The water gushed underneath our feet, down the sloping road as we made our way back to the hostel. We felt the spray of the water and we observed some juniors sailing some paper boats in the streams.

There was a stormy, torrential downpour at night again, and as I walked back towards the hostel under my umbrella I knew I had to get drenched. It was time. I ran back to the hostel, changed into my shorts and asked my crazy neighbor who I knew would be crazy enough to join me in my craziness and took her to the terrace. We stood there, giggling, scaring passersby on the road below and just sharing the beauty of the moment. I don’t know what it is about getting soaked to the bone. Maybe it’s the thrill, maybe it’s defying what you’re supposed to do. Maybe it’s the pleasure of letting go despite the risk of falling sick.

I went to Mumbai recently to shoot a documentary film we are working on. The reality shook me up a bit. The real world is not like my campus. It's not always rainbows and butterflies and sunsets and trees. It's sweat. It's hordes of people pushing you. It's homeless people. It's people who try to swindle you. It's hours of travelling that sucks all your energy out. It's dust. It's haggling with autowallas. It's not easy. And once I start working I will have to deal with this everyday of my life. I don't feel ready for this. And yet when I'm thrown out there, I feel like I'll live.

I cannot get over how much I have changed in the past one year. Earlier I saw, but never really observed. I heard, but never really listened. I felt, but never really thought. I feel like my senses have opened so much more to everything that happens. I enjoy silence more than loud noises now. I look for solitude instead of large crowds. I am...quieter. Well, relatively. I'm more cynical. I still romanticize mostly everything in life, but a lot of my unreasonable expectations have taken a backseat. I’m still a big bag of emotions, opening myself to those precious few, but deep underneath a lot of creases have smoothed over time. I feel like I needed to clear my head a bit. There is a little more clarity when it comes to setting my priorities straight. I still don’t know what exactly I want from life, but I don’t let it bother me as much. I’ll figure it out.

For now, I’m just happy to have a roommate with whom I can share anything with. I’m happy I came to terms with my past and I'm happy I did not lose the people I cared about. I still have that friend who will burn and send me CDs of my favourite TV shows. I am happy I have that one person to walk around with, the one who completely ‘indulges me’, the one who shakes trees to make water fall down on me and run away laughing like a child. I’m happy I have that one friend who has worse existential crises than me and complains how she doesn't want to do anything anymore. I'm happy I have that one friend who I can count on when I want to discuss anything with, the things that 'normal' people won't understand. And a mom who pings me on Whatsapp asking 'Mela baby homesick hai?' And a dad who is okay with me wanting to go backpacking to another country because he is okay with everything. And a sister who constantly asks me to intern in Singapore so that 'we can be crazy with each other.' I'm happy for all these people in my life, because each one has a different purpose, and each one has a different place in my life, and I’m a completely different person with all of them. It's like they are my horcruxes. Life has never seemed so comfortable, and so full of exciting possibilities :)

P.S. I bought a camera! Sharing my photostream here! Do give me feedback on the pictures :)
Click here.

9 comments:

  1. The photo the photo! The cat is so like you! :)

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  2. Loved it Astha!!Yet again so YOU and yet again true.

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  3. The title of this post drew me here. How I like that song where a thousand memories wait to burst out of their seams . . . Songs have that power. The peaceful and easy feeling comes through in the post. Gosh, missed reading your posts. Hope you've been well.

    Joy always,
    Susan

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    1. I just love this song as well. A lot of nostalgia attached to it. Thank you for reading my posts. I've been really good! Keep coming back Susan :D

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    2. I will for sure. I love the way you string words and thoughts.

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  4. just a random question: How much time does it take for you to write a post. Starting from thought-process behind the post till typing the last P.S. line (which is mostly there in your posts :D )

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    1. Good question :P Not much actually. I just collect a bunch of stuff inadvertently in my head, and then I just spill it all out. It doesn't take more than half an hour to 45 minutes. My 'PSes' are actually afterthoughts. I add them if I forget to add something and remember it later. PS just makes it sound nicer :P

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