Down is, definitely, the new up

I’m sitting on my PC after very long. I can smell the pleasantly delectable smell of the suji-besan ka halwa mom is preparing. I’m wearing a red and blue salwar kurta with blue jeans. The house is decorated with flowers and lit up with bright, twinkling lights. I’ve played my most favourite hindi songs of all times (Rang de Basanti, RHTDM, Dil Chahta Hai, Dil Se) It makes me gloomy in a weirdly content way.

It reminds me of a time gone by. A time that was too precious and too good to be true, before it went awry. I guess I’ve reached the phase when the profound pain is turning into a dull ache which kind of eases my nerves. It sounds highly twisted, this statement. It’s true. I’m waiting for it to fade away; and I know it will. What will remain will be a set of numb, distant, faraway memories which might even just make me laugh at the thought of how hopelessly naïve I used to be. It might also make me cry to think of how blissfully and unnaturally perfect my world felt. Or it might just make me smile, thinking about all those momenst, which had a big role to play in moulding me into what I am today. (Which is a depressed wuss, if truth be told)

As of now, I’m happy to be feeling this way. Maybe this is my transition phase. The indifferent, dejected mood makes me feel peaceful. It’s like how your tooth used to hurt just before it used to fall out. I know exactly what Jon Foreman means when he sings

“I find peace when I’m confused. I find hope when I’m let down.” And this confused, mixed, perplexed, misunderstood, hurtful feeling is what makes me feel sane sometimes. It makes me feel human.

‘Luka Chupi’ is playing now. It makes me cry usually. Right now though, I’m smiling.

"When I go forwards, you go backwards
And somewhere we will meet"

Happy Diwali :)