Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Chameli? Chikni? Seriously? :|

(SO classy. No?)


Oh.my.GOD.
Did you SEE the song ‘Chikni Chameli’ from Agneepath? :O
And sheesh! Can you believe the title? Chameli. Right. Very original. 

If you’re a boy, and if you’re a Bollywood-item-numbers-liking, shameless type of guy who looks a girl top to bottom, then scram! (Wait a minute, what are you even doing on my blog?)

I randomly saw the entire song today on TV. And man! Wh.. How.. Wh.. HOW is she DOING that man?!
Her body movements seem impossible! It’s like she’s made of rubber and has no bones at all! It’s beyond human comprehension how she is jiggling and jumping and flouncing about like that. It is bizarre. It seems like we’re having a battle of item songs for attracting people to the theatres. And boy, do they all flock over there or what! They’re like a herd of sheep, going wherever the grass seems juicier. And the grass on Agneepath’s pasture is juicy as hell.

I hate the entire concept of an item song. The sole purpose of having them is to make girls diet and exercise themselves to death to get that perfect, not-an-extra-ounce-of-flesh on them type of body and then expose and flaunt it unthinkably. And then they’re made to wiggle and shake like a jelly (and they’re paid heaps of moolah for doing so) which in turn gives all the pervs in our country an open excuse to get all the skin show and eye candy that they only fantasize about. My fate also made me watch another Veena Malick number, in front of which Chikni Chameli looks harmlessly laughable. (She’s wearing a blouse which has two luminous circles on it. Get the picture?)

The reason why people go to watch a movie should not be some sleazy boisterous dance song, but the storyline, or the acting or the direction or even the music. But the entire idea of inserting these vulgar songs smack in the middle of a story is so screwed up. I don’t even feel like watching music channels anymore. And on top of that, they make these songs so catchy! It is so infuriating! And WHY, may I ask, are the moves getting more and more embarrassing? How is she thrusting her entire body in all four directions all at once and then making those wicked expressions?  *cringe*

Yeah, I get it, you’re tall and perfect and beautiful, (and you make me feel pathetic about life) but need you shove your, ahem, bosom repeatedly into the camera to prove you’re sexy? I mean what were you thinking?! (Or maybe you weren’t, seeing as you were “pauuwa chadha ke aayi”) Go take some acting lessons, learn a bit of Hindi and do some good movies, no? Put that awesome face to some good use. You’d all do us a huge favour :)

Well anyway, the fact is that you cannot really ignore them. They are played on TV in shops and cafés, blared on speakers in the markets and radios, sung at inhuman volumes into the wee hours of the night in wedding baaraats, viewed endlessly on youtube and shared religiously on Facebook. Sigh, and now even my 16 month old niece lights up at the sound and sight of this song. It’s her new favourite and all you have to do to make her stop crying is play the song. And then see her hopping and giggling about. Chikni Chameli is the new Powerpuff Girl? :\
Oh well, at least the song is of some use. 

11 comments:

  1. You know the weird bit is we're being bombarded with this absurd barrage of jiggly wiggly skimpily dressed skinny women parade on every Hindi music channel every other minute and the sweetly comic Outsourced on Zee Cafe has genuinely interesting and quirky characters whose words are bleeped out when they something as innocuous as "ass". I mean, really, wow! Talk about double standards!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Yesssss, I totally agree!
    It seems like EVERY bollywood movie has an item song in it.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Karishma, yeah man! You're so right! I never thought about it that way! The analogy is similar to Indians thinking it's okay to pee on road sides but they will consider it offensive if they kiss in public :P

    PurpleMist, tell me about it :| It's crazy!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Attraction is a tricky concept. Different people get attracted to different things, and item songs are one of them.

    But yes I agree that item numbers are becoming boisterous.

    ReplyDelete
  5. first of all, being so thin is not really attractive...wonder why so many diet n exercise like mad people just to look like malnutrition victims. of course, not talking about the naturally thin ones who just seem to remain thin even if they binge on a variety of food :D

    about your main point, i totally agree. these item songs just objectify women...n this is a real piss off. same can be said about the axe ads too. its a pity that even the so called 'top directors' who work with the so called 'A grade actors' in india resort to item numbers to ensure there are some box office returns rather than depending on storyline, narration, cinematography, etc. bloody over commercialized bollywood.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Vyankatesh, you got that right. But can't they use other forms to attract people? Ugh!

    Manu, first when you started to write 'being thin is not attractive', I was like "HELLO!?!" you know :P and then you added 'not talking about the naturally thin ones' so I was like "Oh okay"
    You mean to say naturally thin girls are okay as long as they're cute, funny and pretty, right? :P
    I don't think they look malnutritioned though. They DO look hot, but they're not putting their hotness to good use.

    And yes, exactly my point. Why do they have to portray women like sex objects? Why don't women have a problem with this? Hmpf, anything they'd do for money :\
    If I see one more 'Munnu' or 'Sheila' or 'Chameli' or 'Jalebi bai' I will SCREAM!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. you will scream if you see anymore...i already screamed long ago :D

      naturally thin people can't do much, its not their fault. as you said, they are certainly fine as long as they are funny, cute n open minded :P just realized you are thin...good thing i cared to specify in my previous comment ;) i just find it odd when people go out of their way n put themselves thru all the strain just to be size 0. its a common misconception that being fit means being thin. the 2 are different!

      it is totally cool to see hot women on the screen, we all love seeing hot women obviously, hehe...just that it being the main/only selling point has never appealed to me...i never watch a movie just coz the actress is a bomb in it.

      Delete
  7. Finally. Someone who hates item numbers as well.

    Autograph please? :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. You noticed it enough to write a whole post about it! Guess that was the intention of the movie maker, though yes, it does speak tons about his conception of aesthetics. :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Yeah because I was so annoyed that everyone was enjoying it and sharing it on Facebook and I was wondering how they can like it! So I had to vent it out! :)

    ReplyDelete

I love it when you have a say! So, type away! :)